.. since I wrote here now.. But the last couple of weeks I have been ill with pneumonia.
I got medicine for it but the coughing somehow doesnt seem to go away for some reason.
Last week has been spent at home and Im basically climbing the walls now to get out more.

Its not that Im social, just, staying home feels so.. locked up kinda.
Feeling like a prisoner who jsut want to get out.
So from tomorrow, I have decided: Im gonna be well again.. How about that?
Keep your fingers crossed for me that it works out.

Whats your plans for the week that is coming up and what have you been up to this weekend?
Any fun news? Come on share it all now!

Hi guys!
Its springtime in Sweden, or well, atleast the weather is sunny and rather warm.
I love this time of the year I feel the energy pumping in my body and most of all I just wanna spend the time outdoors and enjoy it!

I had a great day yesterday as well, as I think Ive told you before tuesday is the only day without any soccertraining for me, so I had the time to clean this place up a bit and then actually had a friend over for a visit in the daytime and then another friend came over in the evening, it was a great day.

Life is feeling great at the moment, hows your life going?

Have you ever been in the situation where a friend of yours is dating someone that you really dislike?
Could be he/she is just an asshole or that they are just really obnoxius.
And sometimes you wonder if your friend is blind or retarded for pulling up with the guy or girl.
You see your friend getting hurt every single time you meet them and on the inside you are bubbling with rage.

What do you guys do when that happens?
Take a minute, think about it and then - Tell me about it!

Im feeling ill when I see whats going on in Syria today.
I also feel that thenews from there is getting less space in the papers and in the televisionnews.
Are we gonna leave them people there all alone?
Are we gonna stop caring?

Because Russia and China said that they dont support any actions taken against the ruler of Syria UN sits quiet.
They may condemn a thing or two, but they are also rather quiet, and it scares me.

Since I live in Sweden, I have ahard time understanding how the people in Syria really are getting along.
I sit here in peace and quiet, day out and day in, while someone else is most likely running for their life.
How many do you reckon across the world is, as I write this on the run trying to escape military?

Take a minute - Think about it!

Ok, so the cold that I have been pushing away for ages came back..
And oooh it was angry at me!
Saturday we had a soccergame with the team that I havent been training so long so I finally got to see my first game with them.
They did really well, some small stuff needs correction but other then that, Im impressed!
It was only a friendly game tho but they won 3-1.

On the way home I started feeling abit funny..
Couldnt really point out what it was but it showed soon enough that evening..
I got a high fever accompanied by headache and alot of freezing :(

As I said, the cold was mad at me for real ;)
I`m still winning tho,
Im getting better by the minute and Im not known for being able to take a rest.
Just sitting at home is so boring its basically killing me.
Ive watched two seasons of Sons Of Anarchy by now,
I have to do something to make the time pass by!

What do you guys do when you are sick to pass time?

My back has healed itself, finally!
But now I dont have much to complain about, I really need tocome up with something here ;)

I read in the paper today about a guy who kidnapped himself,
trying to get 1500 $ from his parents as a ransom.
Is it just me who wonders why he demanded so little money?
I mean for real, that must be low selfesteem?
If someone else kidnapped me Id feel offended if that were all they asked for!
If I, for some weird reason, decided to kidnap myself  the ransom would be ridicoulusly high Id tell you!

Today its trainingday again (as always,right?), and I think focus will be on defense.
My mind is totally blank, I know what I want the guys to do during a game but Im not sure on how to invent an exercise for it..
Hmm I better go think on this one.

How is your day coming along?
And how did you spend Valentines day?
Why do we even celebrate it for real,
anyone that knows?
(Yes I could google it but Im too lazy).

Im feeling like I`m 85 years old today.. or no, I feel like my body is, not me.
Im still as childish but my body asks me not to move too much.
We are almost done cleaning out my mothers old house,
just few things left, and when I have the energy I suppose I should go and help her unpack?
After all, she is my mother and I vaguely remember what a horror it can be to move!

Yesterday we moved all of the heavy stuff from my mothers house, and well, most  of the other stuff aswell,
now there are only few things left wich I said Id help out with today.
I also have training in an hour,
and I need to go andsee my grandfather today since my father called med yesterday about him,
and I have also invited my mother here for dinner tonight.

Except for filling my day so much I have no idea how I`ll manage it all I also need to take care of my own home.

My stomach is revolting against me and my back and shoulders wants to run away sometimes I wonder when I willrealize, its a fact, no matter how much I try - Im not superwoman!

My back still hurts tremendously!
And today we start moving my mothers stuff.
Tomorrow she has the big part of the move to do..

And its still scaringly cold outside: -14, a little windy and it looks like there is gonna be more snow coming soon.
But hey put this song on andlet us pretend:

I have a meeting at my sons school today, and that would be no problem at all.
IF my back ,neck and shoulders wasnt killing me at the moment,
and Im more tired then Sleeping Beauty ever was!

I have a hard time seeing a prince showing upp to rescue me either,
we only have one prince in Sweden I belive and he is taken!
He doesnt really look that good either to be honest so Im not so sure Id like a kiss from him.


Other then that I suppose everything is as usual.
The dog still wants to go out every other hour or so,
Im still keeping it all nicelooking here at home (yes Im impressed by myself for that).
I get tears in my eyes from being sleepy wich isnt the best considering the makeup I just put on..
School might mistake me for a racoon and toss me out?

Anyways, hows your day coming along? All good I hope?

.. I need to apologize to you guys, but, between the keeping it clean and neat here and all the soocer, I have actually been forced to cook and sleep!

something is terribly wrong with me at the moment, Ive seem to have been caught by  a cleaning-bug.

Thats what I have left until Im meeting up with some friends at a local pub!
Gonna be nice, and hopefully my nieces will drop by so we can celebrate one of them turning 18 last week.
Amazing how time flies by, I dont think I will ever be able to see them as adults!

Within this hour Im gonna walk the dog, choose clothes, fix my face and hair and reach the pub.
I alreadyhave a feeling I will fail!

Wish me luck guys!

I got it all redecorated in here, how do you like it?
Suddenly the world felt much brighter, tho, Im not a fan of pictures of myself I suppose I sooner or later will have to take more right?

My wonderful friend from the blog http://lilith.se made this design for me.
If you want a new design you just holla at my girl!
Thanks Lilith!

Now, my place is almost tidy btw..
I suppose the vacumcleaner just took the best out of me;)
I look like a crazy person at the moment, my haor going in all directions possible and more plae then a polarbear!
I need to take a shower soon first I just need to procrastinate some..
I feel I have the right to do that now!

See you soon guys!

Suddenly it just happens,
the dirt keeps crawling up in your lap and you realise..
Its time to clean the place up!

For some weird reason it seems to happen alot to me,
I`m gonna take a wild guess here,
I belive that it has something to do with my lack of interest in cleaning.
Wich ofc means that it doesnt happen to often!

Somtimes even I belive that a world war occured while I wasnt at home,
atleast, I like to pretend that happen,
it seems like a good way to blame it on someone else!

The vacuumcleaner really aint my best friend, and as the years goes by we seem to become more and more like enemies, struggling for our existence!

How about you?
Are you a neat and tidy person?

Have you ever lost someone or something to realise afterwards that maybe what you had wasnt so bad after all?
But when you realise it its too late and that person already moved on with his/her life?
I think its far too common, people running around looking for love but then they dont see what is straight in front of them.
And therefor they will never find "the right one" becuase when that person is there they just cant stop hunting for someone else, someone better?

I belive that there is a right one, for everyone, but that the right person aint perfect in every way,
we will need to overlook that persons negative things to see how great that person is..

I also belive that if you keep hunting love you will never see it when it is right next to you and that will make you loose in the long run.

What do you think?

Ok, I think my toes left me today.

The hardest part of being a coach isnt really to come up with things to train on,
its how to make the players to use it in their games..

I`m trying to cut out exercises from game situations right now but I must admit,
as much soccer as my days have been filled with lately makes it hard to focus at the moment.
Maybe, just maybe I need some more sleep?

Been a long day today, had trainereducation and then training on that.
So I should be really tired, however,
since it is late Im not sleepy at all!

My insomnia has become a friend of mine,
or no, not really,
more like an enemy.

Im so sorry for the poor updates and I know I need to get better at it.
Tomorrow, I promise!

The bed is calling me, I can hear it!
I just decided I wont listen,
you know how it is when someone else tells you to do something?
Thats the relationship between me and my bed!

Before I go there I need to walk the dog (in the stupid snow),
and I need to remove my make up and well,
first of all I need to stand up..

Im not sure at this moment what part I will dislike the most,
the standing up or the freezing part..
I really need to tidy this place up tomorrow,
I hate that part aswell,
I think I want to move back to my mothers place!
Im not so sure she would love the idea tho..

Ok, for real now.
It has been snowing lightly here for a while now,
the ground is white but has turned that way in a peaceful way.
No storm, not even any wind just snowflakes slowly reaching the ground.
Its not so cold out, not at all, yet the ground is aaaall white.

Sounds beautiful doesnt it?
Yeah one might think so,
I hate it!
My dog however she loves it!
She wont take one step without eating the snow on the ground!
Can you imagine that any normal walk nowtakes more then twice as long since she just wont move forward?
And when I try to tell her off she looks at me like she doesnt have a clue what Im on about.
She gets water inside yet when we go outside its like she have been dying of thirst for at least a couple of days.
I used to love snow and all over sudden I hate it, and I know who to blame.
Gah! Dear lord remove the snow.. NOW!

I have been astonished lately about the "likes" I see on facebook.
There should be a "noticed-button" as well to be honest, if someone writes that they are feeling ill or something, I cant like that, but I can see it, and I wish that I could in a way show them that instead of  "liking" wich would show instead that I like the fact that the are ill?!

Actually, I wish there were many more buttons on facebook, a dislike wouldnt be all wrong now when I think about it..

"Oh I hurt my knee" then I could just hit dislike, even tho I have no clue why that information is relevant to me of course I dislike the fact of someone getting hurt?
"I didnt get the job :(" Is surely a dislike thing when you dont have the time to actually tell someone how sorry you are and that you are sure that the next job will be theirs?

Oh, and if people like me keeps posting musicvideos they like on facebook wouldnt it be great with a "love-button" aswell? I mean you can post Ice Cube "Why me" and I would so "love" it!

"Im so drunk I dont know where I am" that post would easily need a "WTF-button"..

Dear lord how many buttons I could use on facebook, and with all those buttons we could clearly change the name to Buttonbook?

I mean, just in case you like buttons as much as me?

I need to train, with the X-box I mean, I`m sitting here and feeling guilty for not having enough time to do it last couple of days..
Its almost as I can hear the P.T from hell calling me!

Yet Im stuck here, with you guys, reading thru your blogs, trying to pick the right doors ;)

I´m a bit concerned about my Butterfly, havent heard from her in a couple of days now.
All the pain she is going thru right now, truly wish I could help her more,
but I know the feeling, its a prison of sadness and noone else but you can get you out of it!

Ok.. Im gonna train some then.. stop postponing..
Wish me luck!

That sounds weird huh?

I thought Id tell you all about something me and a facebookfriend of mine does when we are bored,and yes, it happens quite often actually!

We crash other peoples facebooks.. or.. their logs atleast..
We post something weird and then just make it a total groupchat,where we tag people to chat along with us!
Sometimes people get annoyed and sometimes I know that they are actually finding it rather amusing!

Once, we decided to make it a filmfestival, kind of Cannes on facebook, so we posted the categories as a message, and the films to vote on in the comments.
You never have more fun then you make it right?
So we told people to vote by clicking "Like" on whatever movie they liked the best!

The thing was.. it wasnt even real movies.. it was comic clips from youtube..

Now see, I warned you now, if you have a profile open for anyone to coment on.. We might be hanging out at your page soon.. Beware!

Entering another persons blog is a little bit live visiting their house.. or actually, their brain.

I can almost see it in front of me, stepping into a house filled with doors named by the categories of the you are visiting..

Either you take the first door to your right (that should be the most recent post), or you keep walking down the hallway to find the other categories, when you just found a new blog its really hard to choose wich door to open.
For me we are talking a long time of thinking and planning here, do I really want to know this or that? Do I dare to open the next door or will it be a room entirely pink?

Maybe someone is nude in there? (This happens alot in my friends blog: http://http://sexoholic.devote.se/), its in swedish and contains alot of nude pics.

If I`m hungry I better not check out http://lilith.se, she always has some good food just waiting to tease me! (That blog is also in swedish I`m afraid).

If I want to watch art the place to be is http://magicalarttime.blogspot.com/ .

And the most fantastic part of it all; They all have doors I need to choose from!

Someone help me, Im lost in the land of choices even tho I suck at making choices!

I know I havent been updating much, but tonight I will! I promise!

I just had a busy weekend thats all.

The funeral for "Butterflies" younger brother is today,
inside I bleed for her and her family.
But this is one part of the grief that I cant really remember..

I only remember fragments from Alex funeral (for new readers Alex is my brother who aint amongst us anymore, in the start of the blog you will find some posts about him).
I remember the coffin, and I remember there was a large window towards the forrest there.
I remember one of his friends good byes and my Grandpa saying good bye..

I have a vague memory of crying helplessly, but Im not sure anymore if I did.
I remember some  friends of my mother standing outside as we were leaving the place,
and I remember two songs from the ceremony.
I remember the dress I was wearing..
I  remember small details but not the whole picture,
just small fragments.

That can bother me alot from time to time, I want to remember everything,
most likely because the memories is all I have left from Alex.
Yet they are weaker by the day,
no matter how much I struggle to remember it seems I forget more and more.
I suppose its a struggle against time,
and I suppose I wont win.

My son has fallen asleep in the livingroom so I cant hang out with my lovely Xbox tonight, damn it, I needed to hook up with the P.T from hell again!

Are you curious of other languages? 

.. since I shared some videos with you, or some music, so its about time now right?

I havent updated alot lately, just been so many things around soccer right now that I just havent had the time yet.
And, erhm, not only soccer...
Today, again, I decided to try toimprove the dancing in front of the X-box..
It went better.. isntead of loking like a whale stuck in a airplane, I looked like a pregnant elephant!
So Agile..

I will be back in abit!

Im feeling totally relaxed now, abit sore from training (Xbox qualifies as training!), but tired in a good way.
Looking forward to tomorrow, I have a good feeling about tomorrow, Im not sure why yet, I suppose we will see tomorrow if the feeling was correct or not?

Tomorrow is therapy and then training in the evening plus I have a errand to do in the morning so I suppose I will be busy..

What are your plans for tomorrow guys?
You up to anything fun?

Oh and is there anything special you would like to read about?

I seriously need to exercise alot more, after 40 minutes of dancing and sporting in front of the Xbox Im exhausted!
Haha, Im both ashamed of myself and angry for letting myself go..

But then again, I havent been able to work out since I havent been totally well so..
Just having a waterbreak here so I better get back to the game even thoe it hurts all over!

Do you have a person in your life that, whenever you meet that person you feel butterflies in your stomach even tho you somewhere inside know that it could never be you two?
Someone who it can pass years between the times you meet yet you feel like a teenager in love when you meet him or her?

I have one person like that, luckily we dont live in the same time so it doesnt have to happen so often..

I also have a feeling I am that person for someone else, a old friend from  school when I was 13-15 years old,
it easily becomes weird when we meet since by his acts and what he says I understand that he wants more then what we are today.
He aint so easy to avoid tho, he lives on the same street as me.
However, he is a gentleman and dont push it.
For me he is just a good friend from back in the days,
he deserves to be truly loved by someone tho, he is great in every other way.

So tell me, do you have someone like that?
Or are you such a person for someone else?

I really dislike Mondays, Im still extremely tired even tho Ive been awake for a while now..

One thing that hits me when it comes to young soccerplayers is their ability to judge themselves.
As a coach you most often dont need to tell them what they do wrong,
they know already when they`ve messed up.

Instead you have to try to notice what they do right and correct that.
Ive seen so many players get off the field with tears in their eyes,
and its painful for me to see because then I know its hard to turn it around.

They can sometimes do ten good things but then they mess up one time,
and thats the thing they take with them when they go home.
And suddenly, instead om improving they do worse every time,
and in some cases, they even quit.

How do you act when you mess something up?
Do you give up or do you keep going?

Today is one of those days where Ive been happy all day long,
andthe day has been going totally ok.
I kind of belive those things are connected tho,
if you are happy its harder to see things in a bad way?
Im not sure how I should describe it something like;

If you smile to the world, the world will smile back at you..

Tomorrow will be filled with football/futsal and after that  I might go to my brothers house and play X-box with them!
So there is all possibilities it might be a great day tomorrow aswell?

I visited my Grandfather today, and we spoke about life.

I just read about the people in North Korea today,
Seems the new dictator there is putting people to prison because they havent been mourning the old leader enough. And if their tears seemed to be fake.. Well in North Korea a prison aintreally a prison, its labor camps..

The whole world knows that the people in North Korea has been starving alot, we know that there was a crazy dictator and now his son ruling the country..
We know people dissapear there daily, yet... Noone does anything about it?

Aint those people worth the eyes of the public?
Are we afraid of their arsenals?
Im not sure at all here.

To be honest I dont know much about North Korea, but I do know something is terrible wrong.
I know that the people are kept really short, and has basically no freedom at all..

With countries like this, is there anything the rest of the world can do?

..this one, I like it!

I love calm mornings, thats the time when I can just sit back and relax.
In my mind I can plan for the day that is coming without any disturbance.

At the moment I`m sitting here thinking if I should maybe blog later about a specific religion or not.
you remember that I said early in this blog that I think religion and beliefs can be a good thing?
Well, not all religions/churches seem to be.

But I also have training today with the footballteam and I really should visit my Grandfather, as if that wasnt enough, Im starting the day with a doctorsappointment so the schedual might be a little too busy to sit and google about a religion?

Its Friday the 13:th, the unlucky day, Ive never noticed it before, wonder if I will today?
Do you belive in such things as a certain date is worse then another?
Or not walking under ladders.. Broken mirrors etc?

Tell me about it?

Lately there has been alot of depressing things and tragedies in this blog, so now I`ll write about something more important then anything else!

If you dont love yourself, noone else will be able to do so either.
As simple as that!

And you will not belive that someone can care about you as much as they do either unless you can feel that you deserve it.
This took me a lifetime to realise (well, almost anyway), but I`m starting to understand now and see the value in me, in the person I am today.
Ive started telling people when I belive that they are wrong, before Id just be quiet.
And I got to tell you, I grow an inch every single time I stand up for myself and for what I belive in.
Its a incredible feeling of satisfaction.
So what made me change then?

There has lately been some people in my life that has put their beliefs in me,
people who never had to do so.
They tell me when I do wrong, but I also realised, they tell me when Im right.
And to them it seems I do more good then bad, and that made me grow.
It took some pushing from one of them but in the end he got me there, I stood up and spoke my mind.
Even tho I knew there could be bad things for mecoming out of doing so.

So, how about you people? Do you always speak your mind?
Do you have someone that you support?
Or someone that supports you?
Do you love yourself?

Take a minute - Think about it!

This year it will be 24 years since the massacre in Halabja happened, suddenly our tv`s showed us pictures of young and old, women and men and even babies laying dead on the ground with a tone of yellow in their skin.
Their crime?
They were Kurds!

They say that its for sure that 5000 people lost their lifes that day but they belive there was more then that.
The chemical attack was awful, I was 10 years old at the time and they showed it on the news.
I still remember a woman who had died with a baby in her arms.. It looked like they all died very suddenly,
it looked like they had dropped to the ground like flies.
I remember that I cried and that I asked my parents what had happened to those people. I couldnt quite understand the answer but I remember one word from it: Mustardgas.

When there is gas in the air, and those amounts of it, you have nowhere to flee, nowhere, absolutely nowhere to run for cover.
The effects of this attack can still be seen in the area, many people have gone blind and cancer is very common.
Still today the people there is suffering, and do you know what the rest of the world did about the attack?
Absolutely nothing.. they seemed to be scared of Saddam and his best mate Chemical Ali..


The videoclip connected to this post is very graphic, therefor if you are a sensitive person, dont watch it!

Did you know that they can not become legal citizens of Burma even tho their families have lived there for centuries?
Because of that they can not get National identity cards..

"Without the identity cards, Muslims have a difficult time traveling, getting an education or finding a job. They cannot carry on social relations and conduct business. Because of racial and religious discrimination and lack of an identity card, they cannot even get a job in a private company. The lucky few who are able to get identity cards are barred from holding high office in any government job." 


They are not allowed to carry the Quran outside, nor print it inside.
Groups of more than five Muslims are prohibited from assembling in cities and towns.


What makes it so strange is that the Buddhists are doing this to them..
I thought Buddhism was about peace and love?
I have, on the internet watched crimescene hotos and videos from Burma, showing muslims that has been murdered for just being muslims.




Wonderful world huh?


Take a minute - Think about it!

Ive spoke to alot of guys lately that has had issues, and for some of them I have suggested professional therapy.

The response to that is scary, they just wont go there because a therapist would definatly screw their mind up in their opinion, instead they prefer sitting with a vodkabottle and do some "self-therapy".
Of course its only destructive and leading nowhere but they dont seem to see that themselves.

What is it that is so scary about therapy?
That you open up to someone you dont know?
Or the fact that someone has solutions to your problems without even knowing you for real?
Could it be that we know that we have at times, done wrong and that we are too scared of telling someone about those times?

We have a saying in Sweden that goes something like: "Alone is strong".
I dont belive it for a minute, I mean, we are since beginning of time pack-creatures.
We have always needed to be with others, our survival has been depending on it,
but suddenly we wouldnt be?

Therapy can be good, if the therapist is good at his/her job!
Cost abit to try it out, sure, but hey nothing in life comes for free - right?

Take a minute - Think about it!

.. if I didnt mention that the violence against Moslems are raising in Burma,
I will post about that aswell later!

Here the weather today reminds me of spring.
I woke up feeling terrible, coughing and having a little fever but as soon as I got out to walk the dog, the cough didnt matter anymore because the weather made me so happy!

Get me right here, I know something is wrong when the middle of Sweden doesnt have snow in January but today, it just fell so good with the sun warming me up.

Anyhow I wont bore you with speaking about my own life, I got more important things to let you read about!

I was thinking about Rwanda, you remember there was a genocide there, right?
It was in 1994, there is two great movies made about it, One is the famour "Hotel Rwanda" and the other is called "Shooting dogs" the last one touched me deeply since people that survived helped out in making it.
I can most likely see that movie over and over again!

However, for those of you that saw my post yesterday about the christians in Iraq, do you see the similarities that I do? That a group of people gets treated totally terrible and noone does anything about it?
In Iraq and amongst the christians there is no UN-soldiers tho of course, not that they helped the Rwandan people anyway.

But one thing that hit me is that I didnt know much about the crisis in Rwanda until AFTER the genocide, I dont remember reading much about it in the news.
And the same thing about those christians in Iraq, I think Ive seen some short story about a church getting burned down but not much more.

So how about this, I write to Swedish officials and try to make them do something so that the people there can become more safe, and you, wherever you are, write to your officials? Deal?
Maybe we can atleast make one more person aware about the problem?

And please dont blame it on "moslems being evil" because normally they aint this hate must have been brought down thru centuries of time!

Take a minute - Think about it!

Did you give any love to the world today people?
I had a day mostly free of social contacts so I gave my love to my son and to my dog instead,
anything counts right?

About to hit the bed soon but first I need to see if there is any good deeds I can do tomorrow?`
Oh right I gave myself some love today aswell, I I partly cleaned the kitchen mess up so I will feel better when waking up tomorrow!

And i listened to one neighbor complaining about another neighbor, so he got his time as well with someone prepared to listen.
So I suppose I did do some good stuff more then being extra nice to my son and dog!

So people, tomorrow, lets do something good, lets go out and share the love!
How will you do it?

Take a minute - Think about it!

Show you Why the Assyrians/Christian people are fleeing from Iraq:

The world has been bomnbarded with videos from Syria for a couple of moths now.
The president, al-Asaad, is stubborn and refuse to leave his post.
The latest news now is that he promises that the people will have a chance to vote about the constitution in Syria.

The question is will the people belive him after all the violence?
Will they stop their fight to get rid of him?
I hope that the world will help them out in some more ways then just condemning what is going on.
The people in Syria is and have been oppressed for too long now!

I hope 2012 is their year when freedom comes and they can express what they think freely!

So I got the new testresults for my liver back, they had gone down abit but not toally, wich is an ease.. Now I just need to figure out why Ive gained so much weight, I belive most of it is water but Im not sure.

I read the newspaper today, about a little girl who were kept out on the balcony a whole night last autumn as if that wasnt enough, her father has several times beaten her up and then put salt and pepper in her wounds with the excuse that it would make it heal better.

In the article it says nothing about her mother, just that the girl has told teachers about what was going on..
Where is the mother in this case?
The only excuse for her not stopping this is if she is diseased, right?

Makes me so sad, the girl is only ten years old and this is the picture she gets about how you raise children?
I hope that she will be able to see as an adult that her father was wrong.

Ive noticed that there is 3 types of fathers after a end to a relationship with their kids mothers.

1) Is totally great, they want their child and will do anything to keep the child happy. these guys I admire!
     P.P you are one of them as I see it so far!

2) Then we haev the ones who just dont care or is incapable of seeing what they do to their kids by being            abscent and just ignoring their existence, the guys who get themself a new family and belive that they can forget    the children they had before the new relationship.. To all the Women out there.. How can you live with these guys and plan a future with them? You know that your kids are next in line for that treatment, right?

And then we have:

3) The guys who dont care about their kids until a new woman comes into their lifes and then suddenly they want to play the good father who loves his kids so so much.. These guys I understand the least.. I mean, children aint toys, they aint there to be played with for a while and then put back on the shelf when your new friends goes home like a doll?


We all need to understand that kids are a gift to have in your life, and you created those kids, you better be a man and step up and take care about them, guide them on their way thru life. They didnt ask to be born, you made that choice for them, right?

And to all those men out there, in relationships or not that live for your kids, that take care of them and would walk thru fire for them, keep it up.. You are great!

Take a minute - Think about it!

Are you one of those who belives in all the commercials that are shown on tv?
I dont, but, Id lie if I say they have no effect on me.
This  Ive realised by the stuff I buy while I go shopping for groceries and stuff.
Suddenly I come home with a new brand of dishwashingpowder.. Not that I ever noticed anything wrong with the old one but this new one basically makes the dish wash itself!
Or no it doesnt, it just stands here on the table while Im waiting for it to attack the dish-mountain..
It just doesnt happen...

There once was a commericial about a mini-hippo that lived in peoples houses but only came out in the dark.. Ooooh how I wanted a hippo like that.. What the commercial was selling? I dont know to be honest, all I could focus on was how cute the little Hippo was.

And then there is all these loose weight-commecials..
If we tried them all Im rather sure our bodies would protest and maybe even pay us back by gaining extra weight instead!
Or.. maybe just totally stop functioning?

There is all these cleaningsommercials.. selling stuff you definatly need to have a clean house, I am a witness tho that none of them makes the house clean itself, Ive tried, none is as simple as they say they are..

How about you, do you belive in the commercials on tv or in the papers?
Do they, wether you like it or not, keep what they promise?

Take a minute - Think about it!

I remember when my brother died,
the words I heard the most were: I understand how you feel.
And it always made me angry to hear,
sometimes I even said:

-"No, you dont know how I feel, and hopefully you never will".

I know that they meant well , but at that time, well I didnt see things so clearly as I can now when I look back.
Then a couple of weeks ago, what I never wanted should happen, happened.
My friend, whom I call Butterfly in here, lost her littlebrother.
I know she suffers, I know she feels like getting tossed between despair,sadness and sometimes happiness when her daughter brings her joy.

But I dont know how her sadness feels, and I wish I could take it all away but I know that no matter what I do the burden will be any easier.

I know that at the moment grief takes a hold of our sould, a battle starts, some just give up, but for others..
The fight to try and find a way back to a "normal" life starts, and it feels like you will never get there since the loss of a loved one is so hard, so dark.
And sometimes you have to fight and focus really hard to try and take just one more step, just one more breath.

You start appreciating things that you never really noticed before, at least not noticed it so clearly, silly little things like little birds singing.
I even started appreciating crying children, since that showed me life.

However, to you readers out there, I hope you never have to experience the same grief, that you can appreciate the little things in life anyway!

Take a minute - Think about it!

Ok, Im getting back to life now.. finally!
I just read on Facebook and in the newspaper a debate going on about the Wolves existence in Sweden.
Alot of people on the countryside is against its existence, since its them its existence is most disturbing to when it comesto injured/dead cattle and so on.

And then we have the people that lovethe Wolves but doesnt live close enough to get any property damaged by them.

I think all of them should remember something, there was Wolf in Sweden before there were humans here..
If you choose to live far away from a City then you choose to live close to nature,
and its a fact that we have great predators in our nature, so you make your own choice by living there.
Its the law of nature that should be ruling.

I think that Wolves are beautiful animals, but I dont live close to them.
IF I DID live close to them, I would of course respect that they exist and be careful about letting my dog run freely and such things..

Now since I dont live close to them, I cant understand how the people that does feels of course,
so I suppose I`m not the one to judge?

.. I was supposed to take a small nap around lunchtime.. now I woke up..
And I had this awful dream about me being in Australia..
First I was divin in a port, then I realized there were sharks there.. So.. I let them out of there!?!
(How on earth I did that) They were about 4-6 meters long,
But in the water I was letting them out to, was the biggest shark Ive ever seen, Im not lieing If I tell you its mouth were about 5 meters wide, and... it was singing!!!! It was singing for me..
Right, the dream could have ended there but no..
I was manic about not missing my flight homebut noone wanted to tell me what date it was.
When I got to the airport I couldnt find my tickets, and someone was taunting me all the time..
This man:


No I woke upp, cold and sweaty so I need to take a shower now.. Im still upset!

Ive realized its easier to listen to yourself in the night.
All the buzz from cars and people is gone,
its peace and quiet.

The moon and the stars is your only company and then there it is..
The brain suddenly has the time to listen to the soul.
Your mind starts working thru all the impressions youve recieved during the day.
Either you can smile and fall into a sweet state of sleeping.

Or the opposite, you cant fall asleep at all because of all the thoughts in your head and the anxiety that rushes over you like a monster coming out of the closet.
And suddenly, you cant even lay down with comfort,
the bed feels really bad and you twist and turn.
Sometimes the process keeps you awake just for a while,
other times, when the alarm rings in the morning - you have just fallen asleep.

The worries are not less today then they were for people hundreds of years ago,
yet we seem to fail to make as many people as possible feel so safe that they can have a gqood nights sleep.
For most of us, fortunatly this worries will leave us after few days, and we will be ok.
Others seems to be haunted by their nightmares for a lifetime.

How about you? Do you sleep well? What do you do when you cant relax enough to fall asleep,
do you have any nice advice for the rest of us?

Take a minute - Think about it!

I have some friendsthat definatly cant stop talking,
and thats ok I suppose I value them of course since they are friends.
But the friendship that I value the most is the one where I also can share the silence with my friend.
Where you can be quiet and it is still totally ok.

You dont need to talk to appreciate is my motto, sometimes of course maybe you should say that you appreciate someone, I mean just in case they get insecure about it.

But you can show appreciation in so many different ways.
A smile can do sometimes, another time maybe give a present?
It doesnt have to be a big present, a small one is ok aswell.
It can be a hug, there are so many ways to show that you appreciate someone..

Have you showed your appreciation to the people close to you lately?
Do you do it often?
You need to do it more often?

Take a minute - Think about it!

I can find inspiration in almost anything,
people sit nearby me talking andsuddenly I feel "oooh I got to write about that".
Unfortunate forme, I have a bad memory, Alzheimer -Delight, thatmakes me forget the stuff almost immediatly!

The window in my livingroom overlooks a busy street tho,
there I can almost always find inspiration to write.
You see, when I see a person passing by, I almost always start thinking about how that person is as a person,
and it doesnt take long before I have imagined how their lifes look,
who is waiting for them at home etc.

Kids are the best tho because there you have a future to imagine,
and they also inspire me to wanting to make this world a better place for everyone.
My grandpa said the last time I was there:
-"My generation built this country, the generation after us ruined it!"
I dont want it to happen again, even tho history seems to repeat itself.

Where do you find inspiration?
Take a minute - Think about it!

Little Butterfly,
now he is gone.
Im so sorry Butterfly,
dont try to hold on.

Little Butterfly,
the memories are still there.
Little Butterfly,
you know he still cares.

Little Butterfly,
look up,
towards the sun,
dont you know?
He`s not that far gone.

Little Butterfly,
please smile again?
Oh Little Butterfly,
this aint the end.

Have you ever been singing along to a song that you have loved for years, just to realize that you have gotten the lyrics wrong all the time?
Isnt it embarrising? Espescially f it happens while you are singing karaoke or something?

I can only imagine whoever gotten up there with the microphone just to torture peoples ears suddenly goes:
"-erhm,hmm, dadadaaaaa,lalalaaaa, errrrhm"

.. Its amazing how long some people stay in your life.
And how some can dissapear out of your life - only to find their way back into it years later.

I thought alot about it recently since I started getting in touch with some old mates from the time I was about 14-15.
Some of them I have hardly seen in 18 years, yet, now when I meet them its like we never were apart.
Sure the subjects we talk about are different but the trust and so on, its still there.

I have some friends I dont have much contact with but whenever we talk, its the same.
Alot of giggling, some gossip and so on and of course alot of catching up.

I feel very blessed to have all these people around me still.
They mean alot to me.

How does your friendships work? Tell me?

Ok, Im at a point of the road where I need to make a decision.
Ive always had problems making them when it comes to big things.

To tell you the truth I didnt fall asleep until early this morning,
I laid in bed twisting and turning and just couldnt switch the brain off!

I cant tell you what its about but I think Im writing this to clear my own mind up abit.

I know that my choice will have a impact on people I care very much about and at the moment its between them and whats good for me.
Or not good, but best.

If it only effected me it wouldnt be a problem at all then I know what I would choose.
But this time it isnt and thats the hard part for me.

From one thing to another, today is the first soccertraining for 2012 yeeeey!
For me,personally, I see a new year filled with development when it comes to knowledge, and Im truly excited about that.
One day, maybe, you will see me coaching a team on a higher level, now lets all keepour fingers crossed for that ok? Thats my dream, and I know Im a good coach, that I am doing good communicating with the players, I lack some knowledge indeed, but we can all learn more right?

I better jump in the shower now.. I wish you all a good day until I update next time!

I got a new follower today, when I saw his name I immediatly started thinking about a song..

I love music, I want music around me almost all the time..
Today I listened to Outlandish - Look into my eyes.
It really made me think about how lucky I am that I live in peaceful little Sweden.
Even tho we have our fair share of violence, crimes and murders we are way safer then alot of other people in the world.

Like the situation in Syria that is going on now,
the world needs to take action there as soon as possible, because the violence going on there is beyond imagination.

The situation in Palestine/Israel, so many years of hate and fear.
Kids growing up in the middle  of it and of course the only thing they will know is hate,
therefor it wont stop in a long, long time.

What can you and me do to help the people in countries like that?
Do you have any suggestions? Can we in any way make it stop?

Take a minute - Think about it!

.. that during the holidays is where you can see a higher rate of divorces starting, the couples just havent been able to cope with the stress the holidays bring.
Also domestic violence is said to increase at holidays.

Why is it that, when we are supposed to show eachother more love then ever we fall apart?
That loving smile suddenly seems like a grin.
And the playful teasing suddenly seems like bullying someone?

Most of all is it worth it?
Were those relationships ever meant to last?

Take a minute - Think about it!

Yes it is..aint it?
With a new year new opportunities comes they say, and yeah I start to belive it.

I`m going to a meeting today, I cant tell you about what yet, but I will later.

I gave more blood yesterday for testing my liver, and since I dont drink or do drugs or anything like that I have decided the tests will be good, however this time theyalso started testing my kidneys Ive realised after looking the tests up on google.

I have decided to paint my livingroom whitein the close future and to re-decorate it.
I have also decided that I`m worth more clothes.

And it seems like Im gonna go to Barcelona and go their advanced trainer education  for 7-14 days.
Guess If that feels good for me?
What would life be without friends?

I am back to my positive-thinking after alot of thinking yesterday, willpower and how you look on things can change them, I`m the first to sign thats a truth so I better practise it myself, and I will!

What do you think? Can just the way you think about something change it?

Its been a long,long day today and I belive I will fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.
Ive noticed I have weird dreams these days,
I dont remember then except for the exact moment I wake up but I know Ive often woken up lately thinking:
"Well, that was weird".

And I also move alot in the bed wich I can tell by how it looks when I wake up.

Its been some weird days lately with alot of stuff going on,
and I have been thinking alot.. I suppose that could explain my headache ;)

How has the new year started for you guys? Any fun plans or things to do 2012?
Let me know! Oh and if you want to read more about anything, just drop a comment!
(Where it says 0 comments beaneath the post).

Take care and love yourself and eachother!

-"Grandpa, can you move the wheelchair back a bit? I need to move the table out from the sofa so we can sit in it.". I said right after we arrived at grandpas place this morning.
After repeating myself twice or something he nodded and answered:

-"Sure I can, ma` and pa`always tells me I`m in the way"
-"I`ve spent years just being in the way"

When he said this it seemed like he belived they were still alive. It was clear to me he spoke about his own parents not mine, I decided to not comment on it. Sometimes maybe its for the best that people get to live in their own reality since the lifes they live can be a bit boring at times.

"So who is this in this photo Grandpa?"

I asked while looking at a black and white photo, on the back of the photo it said 1945 and it shoed 4 women in nursingclothes and alot of children all lined up for the camera.
I would guess the children to be between  6 months and 2-3 years by the style of their clothes I can tell that the year on the backside is when the photo has been taken.

"Oh, thats you when you were at that place were single mothers left their kids to work, I was the only man allowed to leave my child there since I was a singleparent".

I then realise that my father is in that picture somewhere, my grandma died young, tuberculosis ended her time on earth.


I play along tho, with my grandpas memories while I think that it isnt so important to me that he is clear about what relationship he has to meas it is that he is feeling good...

Today its wednesday and Im up earlier then normal.
I`m going to visit my grandfather today,
he is amazing.
He is 93 yeards old, rather healthy,
he doesnt look as old as he is at all.
His hands are shaking really much tho.

For over 20 years now he has been talking about the day when he dies,
it used to be really painful to listen to when I was younger since he was so close to me.
He only has one leg, and has only had one for most his life.
He lost the other one because of a disease when he was young.
We share alot of fun memories together my Grandfather and I,
and he is great at telling stories and has been that for as long as I can remember!

When he was youner he often rode his bicycle to work, he never had a car.
However this specific time I`m thinking about he got hit by a car.
It wasnt so hard but he fell of his bike and the artificial leg  came off,
and flew thru the air about 15 meters.

The driver of the car rushed out asking if my Grandpa was ok,
when he replied yes the driver looked at the artificial leg and got really pale,
saying:
"-You need to lay perfectly still, I`m gonna get you some help".
However my grandfather didnt want the help, he felt rather fine.
The driver was really scared, convinced he had managed to make Grandpa loose his leg.

Grandpa was the one adult I always trusted while growing up,
and he was always really kind to me so I was never afraid to tell him if I got into trouble,
and I could always trust on him trying to help me out.

As I said before we have many memories together and I will most likely share some with you later in this blog!

Do you have someone elderly close? Someone you can tell almost anything and that you know would always help you if they could?

Ive started to think alot about this lately.
When is the child adult enough to pay for his or hers actions?

The kid that got shot the other day had some buisness with the police it seems, and people in a forum is talking about that he got what he deserved..
I dont agree.

First of all I am against deathpenalty as most of you know.
Second of all, he was 15.. to me that is a child?

How can he deserve that? Does anyone deserve that?

When does a child become adult? And whos decision is it when they are?
In the world today we have countries that says you are old enough to go to war but not old enough to drink?
Is it only me that see a problem here?

Take a minute - Think about it!

.. I got my internship cancelled today, with a textmessage..
What lack of respect does that show?

I was supposed to start in a week from now but instead I will have to find myself another place to do internship on..

I`m somewhere between dissapointed and very angry.
I`m very dissapointed since I was so looking forward to it,
I`m angry because I think cancelling something like that should require a phonecall rather then a textmessage dont you think?

Well, I`m not giving up, I´m getting up..
And belive me I am gonna reach my goals in life!

I was born in the sign of Leo, and in the horoscope it says that a sad leo is a pity sight to see but never make the Leo angry because that will strike back.

I`m gonna use it to rise further!

My son is annoyed with me alot oftimes.
One of the things he complaints alot about is that I make him think too much.

You see my son and some of his friends doesnt always understand that enough is enough.
And they sometimes have attitude problems.

They can be teasing someone on, for example Facebook and they sometimes manage to push the jokes too far.
I then try to talk to my son about it,
at first he always gets angry and tries to tell me off.. AS IF.. I dont listen ofc.. I keep pushing.

And then he from time to time says;
"Mom, you know I care about people and such but you always make me think and feel bad about stuff."

You see the thing is that they are all very intelligent boys, I havent doubted that for a second, and they are also very kind normally.
But as with all other people in the world, you treat them bad and they will do the same to you.

And I like to make the young people think.. They are our hope, if they dont care about anyone.. Then who will care about us when we get older?

615 times has this blog been looked at..
People from all over the world has read it,
they have listened to my words.. Maybe not thinking the same as I do but they have taken the time to atleast read it!

Thanks all of you.

615 times someone has thought; Wait, what is this? Lets see what it says here..

And I feel very, very proud!

The blog aint even a month old, yet it has been looked at so many times, for me its a surprise!

I havent done much PR for it either since I dont want my sons friends to read it, considering that I want to be able to write about anything I like - even adult stuff!

Thanks to all of you the blog will keep going, and maybe you can tell your friends about it if you see anything in here that they might like to read?

Big thanks to all of you

I got a call this morning from a Doctor talking to me about the tests I left 2 weeks ago.
The testing itself is about determine if I have ADD/ADHD, and it rules out that its drugs giving you symptoms.¨
You kind of need to prove that you are clean and therefor the tests.
I was sure that the tests were fine since I hardly even drink alochol and I definatly dont use drugs.

"Sara, we need to talk about those tests.."
"Ok" (Here Im smiling since I was so sure anout what she was going to say.. Atleast I thought so)
"Your liver, it has (Im not convinced here about the english term for it) too high values.."
I got quiet and she carried on..

"In your case I dont belive it has anything to do with alcoho, right?"
"No, I hardly ever drink, and have never done so either."
"Ok, and your trombocytes are out of order, and your white bloodcells are too many"
I replied quickly:
"Oh, thats...strange"
"Yes, we want to re-run the tests just to make sure its not a mix up or something,and if it aint we will need to contact a doctor within that expertise"
"ok, well I`ll do the tests as soon as you have the paperwork done then"
"Yes, I will call you after the new results are back"
"Ok, bye"
"Bye bye"

She has a very firm voice that doctor and she left me with a million questions all alone.
One minute later the phone rang again.
"Yes is this Sara Im talking to?"
"Yes"

I could hear it was her again

"Yes, hello its me again"
"Hi there"
"You know what, you should call the doctor and book an appointment straight away, it will go faster for you that way, tell them about the testresults when you book the appointment"
"Oh, ok I will do that"
"Yes, I will call you after the new results are back."
"Oh ok, talk to you then"
"Yes bye bye"

All the questions I had had gone away and was now turning into a concern instead about what was happening inside me..
I will update you guys later, since at the moment, Im still not sure about what to think!

Me?
Ill?
No.. something must be wrong about those results..
Im a bit confused here so I will tell you about it later!

.. The kid I wrote about earlier, he died from his injurys, Im sitting here with tears in my eyes and my thoughts are with him and his family.

me think about the kids and guns:

.. a 15 year old boy was shot twice, once in the head and once in the chest here in Sweden, in a town called Malmö (malmoe) to be more exact.

And suddenly, after reading that in the news, New Years eve didnt feel great at all anymore.
I almost cried by reading it and I didnt only think about that boy and his family. I also thought about whoever done this is surely not so old himself, and most likely also has a family that cares about him. He will live with what he has done for the rest of his life.

They both got life in one way. Both have to live with this crime affecting their lifes in one way or another.
And I belive when they find out who did it, there will be two mothers crying and two mothers heart will be broken.

How did we learn the kids that life is so cheap? That its meaningless and that we can waste them as we choose? That humans are garbage and worth absolutely nothing?
Where did we go wrong?

I posted about this incident on facebook earlier today and one of the comments were "I hope they caught the guy that did it" .. Yes, so do I  but when I think about it.. So he gets caught, gets a sentence.. then what?
The kid that got shot is critically hurt, they dont know if he will survive.. shot in the head most often means braindamage.. Catching the guy who did it wont change that.. He can never take back what he done.
Yet.. he is most likely just a kid as well, I wouldnt be surprisedif he is under 18.. That means he aint even old enough to buy alcohol in Sweden. Not old enough to drive a car.. Who decided to sell a gun to him appearantly thought he was old enough to shoot one..

Thats the guys I want caught first of all.. The people who sells the guns, who sells drugs and so on..

However Im sure that tonight there is two more broken souls in Sweden, one who got shot and one who shot him.

Take a minute - Think about it!

Do you remember in SATC when one of the girls got married to a scottish man and how his mother was?
Mhm.. She could come over at any time she liked and start telling the wife all the things she did wrong?
But they forgot to mention that there is one more typ of Mothers in law...

The ones that just cant let their babies go.. Even tho their babies in fact are adult men.

My friend is living with a man like that.
His mother calls him every day telling him to come over and he does..
It doesnt matter if my friend is prearing a 3-course meal that will be ready in few minutes.
Nope, off he goes!

He doesnt help out around the house much.. or at all I belive now when I think about it.
Yet he is mad and frusrated if their home aint in tiptop shape all the time.

My friend told me that once his mother asked her if he did help out at home and when my friend decided to tell the truth, that he didnt, his mother laughed and said something like "Well, thats my fault haha he is still my little baby".

Somehow she managed to see something funny about it while I know my friend is struggling since she really adore this man in every other way.

What are you supposed to do with men like this? And how to get their mothers to understand?
Just saying "Leave him" wont work since the women in these situations often love their guys, their must be something else to do, I just dont know what?

And to the men reading this blog, never turn out to be this kind of man, your woman needs you.
And your mother should of course be welcome in your life, maybe just not all the time.
You have choosen your woman, be the man she deserves to have?

Take a minute - Think about it!