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Saturday, December 31, 2011

I Can..

Almost hear it screaming "Get Me out of herr, Free the lobsters!"


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Alone at New Years eve?

No worries, alot of people are.
Even tho you feel like wanting to do something or share the moments with someone, remember life aint over yet. There will be more New Year eves and you will have that company sooner or later.

We are all very different as persons as you know, a friend of mine is having a stay at home just her and her kids, and to me it sounds cozy even tho I`m more the personality who would have loved to go to a party because I like the Social aspect of it.

Ive had them both, stay at home-evenings and party ones when it comes to New Year.
Ive also appreciated them both in, different ways.
Cozy dressing compared to the partyanimals outfit, a nice dress and so on,
I have absolutely loved it.
I`ve felt lonely at times but its been alright anyways since Ive had friends that always managed to show up at the perfect moment to keep me company.

And my son has made it a tradition of his to spend the eveneing with his grandmothers family and then show up here after their celebration. Really nice since I then can wish him a great new year immediatly!

Anyways, wherever you are, remember that people that you love are never further away then in your heart.. So you never have to be alone, but tonight as any other night I will still ask you to think about others, help someone out if you can, respect all and take care about yourself and the ones you have close!

Take a minute - Think about it!

The year..

I see alot of people write about the year that has passed us by.
In blogs, on Facebook and in all the News papers.
I wont..
I will just leave it at 2011 has passed us by, I will cherish alot of memories from it but I`m looking forward to 2012 to see what it has in store for me and the rest of you out there.

I`m starting to get really bored of Facebook, everyone knows everything about all and nothing.
Yet, as the addict I am I`m staying, at least for a while longer.

So, what are you guys up to while celebrating New Year?

Tic-toc-tic-toc..

The last of 2011 is about to be erased.

I will remember this year very well since I`m very interested in whats happening in North Africa and Middle East. All those brave people that stood up and said "NO".
What curage that must take to do that in such regims.

I remember in Tunisia, I think it was 2006 I was walking with a friend down the street, back to the hotel and I saw a dark bus with men in Uniforms outside of it directing young men to step inside, they seemed to pick people totally randomly.

I asked my fiend who they were , those men in uniforms, he answered me that it was the police and that he had no idea why the young men were more or less forced into the bus or where it was going.

A group of three men appeared, I belive they were younger then 20 from waht I could judge by the look of them.
One tried to run, the uniformed men caught him and hit him several times there, out in the open..
It was painful to see and I remember my friend lead me away as fast as he could. He was ashamed of their behaviour I could tell, and I, I was close to tears by seeing the young men across the street so filled with fear.

Like animals, trapped in a cage, they had absolutely nowhere to escape.

I also remember a dark bus in Egypt, even tho I wish I could forget.
By my friends who live there I know that everyone is really afraid of the police.
I was on my way, alone, back to the hotel. I remember the streets beeing rather empty and I tried to watch out for the stray dogs around there since Ive had a scary encounter with them before.

I walked next to a street that goes thru the City and I remember hearing a carengine approaching, and then also something else, that I couldnt really determine what it was.. As the bus drove by I realised what it was, it was the cries and screams of someone in the back of it.

His screams made my blood turn to ice and sent chills down my spine.
It was truly even hurtful to hear.
The bus passed me and the moment cant have lasted longer then a few seconds but it haunted me for a very, very long time.
I felt so useless for not being able to help that guy in there.
And his cries were so helpless and filled with fear, you cant even imagine.

These experiences has made me think tho,
first of all I am very fortunate to have grown up in northern Europe, I never had to fear the police.
Respect them yes, but never fear them.
I have the freedom of speach that means that I can express my opinion and as long as it isnt insulting or hurting anyone its ok to do so.

I am one of the lucky ones, how about you?
Are you one of the lucky ones?`

Take a minute - Think about it!

Friday, December 30, 2011

Religion..

I am one of those that belive its good for people to have something to trust in, to belive in.
I`m not so much of a religious person myself, I tend to live after the rule "Follow your heart",
however I do respect that people belive in a God.

For me it doesnt matter if they call  it God, Jahve or Allah..
All religions are about doing good deeds and if you look at them from a scientific perspective all their rules are rules that made a society work a long, long time ago.

I dont belive Jihad is about moslems against christians and so on.
no I belive that thats about defending your beliefs and stick by them.
Now, Im sure Ive already have upset someone but please read the rest I have to say aswell please.

I belive that Allah, and the Christian God, no matter who we face after or life here at earth, will be proud of us if we lived by the rule; Harm noone, love your family, help who you can and respect everyone!

I have a hard time understanding what God, Allah would win on us fighting about it after all we are all His creations right?

I belive a truly religious person will preach only when someone is prepared to listen, that way people will have to seek the knowledge themselves, and also alot of feuds in the world would never have started.

I am only a person and I cant judge wich religion is right or wrong, its not up to me to judge either, its for the one who belives to choose what to belive in and how to show their beliefs.

I wish you all a great day/evening.

Please show respect to all!

Take a minute - Think about it!

This is me then..


And yes, I do hate my webcam and Yes, this was the best I could do!

Little Butterfly #3

Little Butterfly,
Done hide away,
Make the world beautiful with you smile,
Wake it up, make it shine!

Little Butterfly,
the sun is calling your name.
Yes Butterfly,
I know life will never be the same.

Little Butterfly,
Smile for me,
Smile for tomorrow,
after all,
the world is waiting and we are still free!



Seriously its too cold outside today!

Cherish what you have!

I just woke up in a great mood.
I realise all the things I have in life and how happy I am to have them!

I have roof over my head and food to eat, clothes to keep me warm and great friends as well!
Ive got a great day ahead, I`m having a make up done, if you are lucky you will see the result here later.
I`ll meet my Butterfly for a walk and maybe a coffee.
And I need to fix some things for new years-eve.

How about you? And what are you up to today?
Any great news from the world?
Remember the people around you guys!

Oi!

You guys need to check this song out and help me share it everywhere, two young kids; Derick and Zaid, rapping, it`s their first song together, Young creativity should be rewarded, never criticised!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhJ0b-ufhGI&feature=player_embedded click here!

Give them a thumbs up and make me happy now guys! ;)

The people that you dont connect with!

There is some people I just wont connect with, no matter how nice they seem to be, does that happen to you aswell?

I dont know its like something in their eyes tells me to stay away, far away!

They havent done anything wrong just something about them makes chills crawl down my spine for some reason, I trust my instinct when that happen. I do what I have to do around them but nothing more then that.

I`m sure my instincts are there to be trusted even tho sometimes they are wrong.

I spoke to my Butterfly today, I might be catching up with her tomorrow.
Oh, I hope I will, I have missed her so much.
Even tho she mght have turned into a moth at the moment because of her grief, I`sure she will get her colors back and fly really soon again!

Sweet dreams everyone, Sweden says good night!
Thursday, December 29, 2011

The blessing of a child.

I love kids, I honestly do.
And I get along with most of them, esxcept maybe my son but he is a teenager so I`m excused!

They make me smile and laugh most of the times, and when they are sad most often its so easy to make them feel better again.
They are so uncomplicated, and so honest!
If the belive that you are ugly they will say so but even that doesnt disturb me at all, since they mean it by heart!

They almost always belive good about everyone and that also makes me feel good.
Therefor, when a child is getting hurt one way or another the Lion inside me awakes.
Every protective instinct there is awakens inside me and I do anything to make sure that the child wont be hurt.

I cant belive parents who abandon their child for a new family or such, how can they?
Do they understand what they miss out on? The trust you can get from a child is amazing, and totally faboulus since it is so sincere, they trust you to protect them and shelter them from harm and you walk away?

Take a minute - Think about it!



I stumbled across..

.. This blog today that was soooo funny that I really need you all to know about it!

http://www.gweenbrick.com/2011/12/little-about-shoe-store.html44That particular post is incredible funny and the rest is well funny also!

Enjoy!

The breakin up part..

So you`ve broke up from whomever you loved?
Does it hurt?
Even tho you were the one that broke up?
I know the pain, trust me I do!

So what is next step in your life?
How will you find happiness?
You feel insecure dont you?
Did you do the right thing?
Can you move on?
Sure you can but first, you need to take the time to be sad.
I know its chaos inside you right now.
Most likely anger aswell mixed with a weird sadness you didnt think would be there.

So your loved one has already moved on?
That wasnt supposed to happened was it?
He/she wasnt supposed to find happiness before you, were they?
And you want to make them suffer, because you suffer, you want to see that you actually did mean something, how dare they?

Live and let live my friend,
happiness will some to you aswell it might just take a while.
Maybe your partner wanted to leave before but didnt have the guts to pull it thru.
That makes you the strong one since you actually did leave.

Take a minute - Think about it




The things I should do, but just wont do right now!

I really should, Clean up the house.. But not right now to be honest.
I really should Work out! Ah yes but not right now...
I should also go get myself a new jacket! But no I really wont right now..
I should vacuum the Sofa.. But not right now I think..

Today is one of those days when I feel like doing absolutely nothing, I have a cod lurking around just waiting to hit me with full force, so I think today will be a really lazy day!



We all need them and we all deserve them, those days where we just sit down and take it easy, not any stress around, just sit and feel good and know, that all these things, I can do them tomorrow!

Did you have one of those days lately or maybe, its soon time to give yourself one?

Take a minute - Think about it!

little Butterfly

Little Butterfly,
I know you didnt see the rain coming,
neither did I.
Little Butterfly,
the tears will go away,
just give it some time,
let the world see you cry.

Little Butterfly,
the flowers will come back,
the sun will shine.
All the memories you can keep in your heart,
your own shrine.

Little Butterfly,
I can see your surrounded by the dark,
But lit your candle,
it will do for now.

Little Butterfly,
I know you didnt see the rain coming,
neither did I.
Little Butterfly,
the tears will go away,
just give it some time,
let the world see you cry.



The Call part 2

While waiting in line for my turn i felt so confused, I still remember that.
When it was my turn to talk to the person behind the counter I said;
"I`m a sister of Alex, and my other sister called me she said I must come here."
The woman behing the counter looked at me and I could tell how sorry she felt for me.
She called for a younger nurse to accompany me and let me in behind the glassdoors.
The  young woman  seemed insecure on how to approach me and asked;
"Has anyone told you what has happened?"
I nodded and we started walking down the corridor.
"Your family is here I will show you wich room they are in and if I can help you with anything.."
She didnt finish the sentence, instead we stopped at a door and she said;
"They`re in here"

I opened the door and saw allt the other members of my family there, I could tell they all had been crying.
My oldest brother T, was sitting on the right.
We hadnt spoke much to eachother since I was young because of how bad our siblingsrivalry had been.
I took one step in the room, unsure of what to do or what to think.
"T" stood up and hugged me and we both cried, I still remember that hug, it made me feelsafe in all the chaos that was going on inside me.

After that hug my memory is a little vague of what happened until I was in the room where my Alex was.
They had prepared him so that we could say good bye.
It was a small room and by the end of the bed there was chairs.
I sat down there, I remember my mother and father touching Alex face and hand.
He was pale of course, and he had two small scratchmarks in his face,
I remember them well.

After my parents had said their good byes (I dont remember the actions of the others in the family here).
I wanted to be alone with Alex, and of course it was ok.
I looked at him and I cried really hard, I cursed at him and at God.
I was so angry at them, why would we deserve this?
What had we done that was so terrible that Alex would be taken away from us?
And how could Alex just leave us like this?! As if he ever would if he had a choice..

I will leave you with this for now..

To all of you out there, remember to hug your familymembers often, appreciate them all because you can never tell what will happen tomorrow or the next day!

Take a minute - Think about it!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011

For my friend "L" - I wish I could change facts!

Little Butterfly,
so colorful and alive,
spread your wings and touch the sky.

Little Butterfly so helplessly sad.
Colored by the rainbow,
but the bodys inside,
all black.

Little Butterfly try to rise again,
we both know that there will be sunshine after the rain.
Little Butterfly so filled with sorrow,
there will be a new day tomorrow.

Littel Butterfly, I care so much,
but I cant do anything to help against the sorrows touch.
Little Butterfly, try rest abit,
I`ll shield you from the rain,
Little Butterfly one day, you will fly again!


Dear L, I`m so so sorry for your loss..

You are great!

Yes, you my friend are great!
Wherever you are, whatever you do, you are great!

You think Ive gone nuts right? No not really, but I started thinking about it today..
Think about all the things that needs to come together and match perfectly for us to be created, and no matter what happends in life, there is only one like us..

Only one person in the world can be you!
And guess what? You are the best in the world at being you!
Therefor, my friend, you are great!


Take a minute - Think about it!

The love of a mother..

.. a mother is supposed to always love her child, and I think that most does, of course there can be cases where depressions at birth and such things play a part but other then that I truly belive that a mother does love her children.

But if the kid seriously hurts or murders someone else?
Is the love still there as strong as before?
If the child turns in to a sexual predator, is the love still there?

Take a minute - Think about it!

My grandfather..

My grandfather is one of the people that means the world to me.
All the years since I was born he has cared for me and never backed down when Ive needed him.
Now he is old and living in a nursing home at the other side of town, and I dont see him as often as I should and wish I did.

I remember that when I went for ridinglessons when I was little, on the way home, I would always walk pass my grandfathers home. My feet were sooo cold in my riding boots it hurt when I was walking, he always helped me off with them and either poured up a warm bath for me or wrapped my feet in towels so I would get warm quicker.

He always kept something at home for me to eat when I was there, whatever I liked the most at the minute.
When I was too much to handle for my mom, and my father didnt care. Grandpa always did.
I could always talk to him and he listened to me and he would give me advice.
We used to play chess and cardgames against eachother.
He always had time for me and since I was at his place so much that he started phoning me when he was going away somewhere so I wouldnt go to his place the few times he wouldnt be there.

When someone had a birthday coming up or when christmas got closer, my grandfather brought me downtown to shop presents from me.I got to choose them myself, and as a little girl I felt really big giving away those presents.

He is 93 years old now, 93.. And Im so blessed that he is still alive, I think my promise for new year will be to see him more often. To really make sure I take that time.

I wont let you go..

I wont let you go little Butterfly,
I wont let you drown in the sorrow alone.
I will fight for you to keep your colors,
You wont become a grey moth in the night.

I have been there, in the dark.
I refuse to leave you there.
No my Butterfly you need to stay here with us,
in a world filled with bright colors.

I promise to hold you tight when the night gets to dark and you dont see the light.
Little Butterfly I will do my best to protect you from the rain.
But after the rain the sun will shine again,
and then dear Butterfly we will see everything grow again.


Dear L, you are on my mind,Im so so sorry for your loss!


Tuesday, December 27, 2011

I belive in..

.. willpower and in changing your own behaviour to accomplish anything you like.
First of all, just change the way your mind approaches stuff, if your brain tells you "This aint fun at all" then you need to decide something like; "It might not be fun, but I will do this so I can feel good afterwards".

You see, everything we do in life we do to reach a goal.
If you are hungry - you eat.
If you are tired - You will sleep etc etc.

If you want a car.. You want to work so you can afford one.
To work - you need to fix everything else around you you do a good job, right?

Im too fat.. No you aint.. and if you truly belvie youare, then do something about it.
Every goal we set up in life, almost atleast, is never out of reach, it might just take a little longer to get there..

Take a minute - Think about it!

Oh im so sorry..

.. been a bit busy today.. gonna prepare dinner now, then I`ll give you something to read, I promise!

You know what?

Give someone you care about a hug today!
They`re worth it aint they?



Insights..

Insights can be extremely hurtful sometimes even tho we have to get them.
You can suddenly realise that someone has done you wrong for a long long time.
And there aint nothing you can do about it since the timehas already passed by.
All you can do is to make sure that it doesnt happen again.

And that itself can sometimes take curage,
standing up against a friend or a parent that just didnt do what you needed them to do when you needed them to do it.
However thatdoesnt mean that you can start hell for them since the time when they did it has already passed in many cases.

Just make sure to prevent further damage, you only have one life to live so dont spend it in anger.
Its way more precious then to handle like that!

Take a minute - Think about it!



The guiltgame..

Some people will always try to make you feel guilty about something.
And this can be hard to take, even worse if you already feel bad over the pasticular thing that they are talking about.
It can be anything that you should have done but just haven been able to do yet.

But do you know what?
You are the one in charge here, you are the one that has to do it obviously so tell them that.
They have no right complaining about what you do or dont do,
since its your life and you who will have to live withnot accomplish whatever it might be.

The force of your own mind!

I once coached a young boy, he was slightly overweight and had no selfesteem at all.
He was clumsy with the ball and had no speed.
Every time he was put on the field to play a game he basicaally froze, did everything halfhearted and did seem quite lazy too people that saw him.

I started telling him that he had the force inside him to change all that.
You see as a coach, even tho its in youthsoccer, I`m not always kind.
I will tell the truth even when it hurts, and I wont give credit unless its welldeserved.

I could see, somewhere deep inside this young boys eyes that there was a spark..
Somehow it needed to turn into a fire, I knew that I had found a challenge, and I just cant resist a good challenge!
So, the days went by and I noticed that this kid had found trust in me.
Id like to think that its because of the fact that Im honest.

So, I got this kid to trust in me, but the challenge was to make him trust himself.
We had a tournament to play and this guy was one of the selected,
I still remember it clearly. There was a total of four short games to play.
In the first one we did ok, nothing more nothing less. In the second and third one the leaders looked at eachother like who taught these kids to pay like this? Because it wasnt us thats for sure, we lost them both and one was a huge loss, a quite embarissing loss, only because of us playing bad.
In the forth game I told this kid;
"Look ******, I`ve invested my time in you, and you have my trust, this game you better go out there and prove to the world why I trust you, and show them all what a great player you can be".

We won that game, the only one we won all day..
And belive me when I say, he was great!
When he started that game, he fought for me, I know that, but when it ended he had proven to himself that he could do it and that it was time for him to trust himself and his own abilities..

Just by changing how you think, you can achieve alot, trust yourself and you can accomplish even more, the choice is yours..

Take a minute - Think about it!
Monday, December 26, 2011

Belive it!

Belive in the people that belives you!
You owe it not only to yourself, but to them aswell.
They obviously invested their trust in you for a reason, and its your obligation to do your best to reach wherever they belive you can reach!

Never trust the people who dont belive in you,
both you and me know that they are wrong when they tell you that you cnant achieve your goals.
And noone but you can prove them wrong, I`ll tell you its a great feeling to prove them wrong.
Just that itself is likewinning an award!

Be strong for you, and others around you will become stronger within themselves.
You can choose to be inspired and become an inspiration to others.
Its your choice what to do with your life.
Doubting yourself is human, but letting the doubt win doesnt accomplish anything else then your heartache and sorrow.

Take a minute - Think about it!



Unspoken Words..

The day the words ran out..
I think we`ve all experienced it on some level in some kind of relationship.
All the words are gone and suddenly you have nothing to talk about.
Its not that there is nothing left to say, its just that all the words are somehow stacked up inside of you and wont reach the air.

Often because you are not hundred % sure about the words yet, you feel that something is wrong but you are not sure what it is. And somewhere deep inside you know that if just the first word gets out, the rest will follow like a tsunami.

A Wordtsunami, unstopable and ruining everything in its way, only leaving disaster behind, and you, left to rebuild it all.
Or maybe you, left to leave it all?

They say its important to know when to say what, I say its important to say what you want, of course with some consideration of the situation you are in.

And the fun part is, that sometimes, you just cant stop yourself from talking, for example to an aold friend that you havent seen in ages.
Then the words that wanted out is not at all so hard to find and lead out, and your friend will listen to you, think about the situation, and give advice as best as he or she can.

Are you carrying a Wordtsunami inside?

Take a minute - Think about it!



Death Penalty.. Right or wrong?

I can tell you straight away, Im oppose to death penalties.
I belive that there is evil persons out there, emotioneless wihtout any ability of empathy.
I belive that people do stuff to others that would make me throw up if I ever saw it.
I belive that not all people can be cured from being bad.
Yet.. I dont belive in death penatlies at all.

Why?

First of all, I dont see how killing someone will make a nother person come back to life.
Second, killing one person for committing a murder, doesnt that make it two murders?
Last but not least, I belive many men who did not deserve death penalty has been killed thru the years based on other stuff then the crime itself, for example; Skin color and what kind of attorney you can afford.

I was raised to dislike any violence, but I havent walked a mile in others shoes yet so  I can not judge the people who belives in eye for an eye either.
However I have read alot about people sitting on Death Row, I was even a pen pal of one once.
Ive been really frightened about what Ive read, there are truly monsters out there, but also Ive been frightened about how poor people gets treated.
I remember one guy facing death penalty for the crime he committed (Im not so sure he said he actually did it tho) who was defended by a divorceattorney since he got an attorney appointed by the state since he couldnt afford one on his own.

Imagine that, you are being prosecuted, you can get a life sentence or death and the state belives that as a defenceattorney you should have a divorcelawyer.

Being put to death, executed, there aint no coming back from that!
There is no chance for mistakes, yet we`ve all heard about prisoners that is denied DNA-testing?
Why? Shouldnt all get that chance since their life is depending on it?
Or has there been too many mistakes thru the years and someone thinks its better if we dont get the truth out there?

And also, these guys who have been waiting for over 20 years in prison to get executed, is that in any way reasonable?
Im sorry guys I just dont think so.

I will get closer into this subject later because it is really close to heart for me.
Now, the dog needs out I can hear her crying..

Is Christmas over now?

I belive Christmas is over now in most parts of the world, its monday morning and a totally new and fresh week!
How do you guys out there plan on spending it?
Did you get any nice gifts? And, did you do anything kind to someone else?
Next monday it will be 2012, another year will be here and we will all get a fresh new start!

How will you guys spend New Years eve? And do you have any promises to make for the new year?
As Ive told you before Im gonna start going to the gym as from January!

Lots of love to ya`ll from me!

What am I doing up?

Its 8:30 in the morning and I have nothing special to do, still Im awake, and have been for about an hour.
Thos who know me well knows that I lvoe sleeping so mych you could almost call it a special interest of mine.
I can fall asleep at any time I`d like.. atleast during the day.. In the evenings its just not the same thing, then I can toss and turn for hours without falling asleep.
Last night I was like Cinderella tho, she went home at midnight, and I fell asleep at midnight!I basically closed my eyes and fell straight asleep.

There is a storm going on outside, in the news they call it "Dagmar", not one of the sweetest names in the world so if it gets any worse, It has my total understang to why its raging! Lots of my friends are complaining at Facebook about the storm, they cant sleep because of it and so on. Sensitive  people huh?

I find it kind of cozy tbh.. Sitting inside and listen to the storm playing with the trees and playing its music on the rooftops, knowing you dont HAVE to go out, I love it!

Wow, I actually just logged in here to say good morning to you people, and I´v been ranting like this?

Anyhow, Good Morning people, see you later!
Sunday, December 25, 2011

Inspiration and persons giving it to you..

When I grew up we had a politician in Sweden called Olof Palme, We was a leader of  a party called "Socialdemokraterna" wich was also knows as a party that cared alot for the workers in Sweden.

In the year of 1986 Olof Palme died, he was murdered and noone really knows who did it or why.

However I remember crying on the way to school when me and my friend spoke about the murder, I was only 8 years old then and I cant have known much about the man except he must have seemed nice to me.

He is still a influence tho for me when it comes to politics, he stood up agains USA several times, and as we know, noone is supposed to do that ;).

As the years have gone by I`ve studied up more on him, you know he was from a wealthy family, yet, he fought for the weak as I recall it.
For the people that didnt have a voice of their own and that nobody would listen to.

I want to be like that,  standing up for the weaker people.. That is a inspiration for me!



By clicking CC in the bar beneath the video you will subtitles in english!


What people have inspired you to become the person you are today?
Let me know!


Where to find the love of your life?

After a while of being single, my friend has realised she wants a man in her life, to share all the good and bad times with. Someone to speak about the day with or that can just hold her for a while in the evening I suppose.

I really hope that she finds someone, but as you all know me by now, my mind immediatly started thinking about it, where to find him?

She doesnt like going out much, wich might be to an advantage.. Or would it?
When I go out I see people hooking up for short periods of time, a.k.a. one night stands..
They are often too drunk to go for the ones that normally would attract them and so on..
So she doesnt miss out on much there..

But then.,. where to find a guy?
The store maybe?
Can there be a good looking clerk anywhere?On the plusside, she wont have to go to thegrocerystore no more, since he can easily pick up whatever they need on the way home!

She could of course also meet someone at the playground..
However, what happends when their kids dont get along?
No matter how gorgeus the guy might be that is a scary thought, or he could have one of those babymamas from hell.. you know the ones that just HAS to tell their kids what they think about dads new girlfriend?
But the again.,.there must be nice ones aswell, I mean I am and most of the girls I know is as well..
But wait here.. If she is nice and they split up..whats wrong with him?

Maybe my friend could look for a reasonable, handsome busdriver?
Oh no, those workinghours wont be any good since she has kids..

You guys have any suggetions here? Help me out!

Take a minute - Think about it!

Every thug needs a lady..

Words I got from the song "Down a** chick" by Ja Rule.
And aint it true..
We all need or safehaven where we can rest and just be the person we are, no rough attitude and no worries.
Our place to hide away from the rest of the world.

Some find it in a person, others find it in a special place..

Have you found that person or that place yet?

Christmas as a kid..

.. I remember them so well those days.
Waking up early, haha too early I belive my parents would say.
My mother always used to prepare a small present for us to open in the morning, and except for something to do, ass in crosswords or such things it always involved the best candy of the year, homemade Christmascandy.

It was a strategy she had, giving us something that would occupy us while the adults prepared all the things they needed to do before people started arriving.
Food had to be cooked, preparing the table and so on.

The evening before Christmas we used to make the candy and fix the Christmastree.
Our tree was always beautiful, I remember that.
And if it wasnt well that dont matter because all of us kids helped out and therefor it was made with love, warmth and happiness!

Our wishlists were so long that there was never a chance of us getting all the toys we wanted, but there was always that slim chance that maybe, maybe Santa would rent a lorry to bring them to us ;)

In the afternoon people started arriving and we watched a Tv-Show that is shown every year in Swedish television, Donald Duck and his friends.

Then it was time to eat, even tho I`m rather sure us kids didnt eat much, we were so focused on what would be inside all those boxes that people had brought with them.
And the adults would never finish eating!
It was torture, sofisticated torture but still - Torture!

Then the moment finally arrived, Santa didnt show up but luckily for us my cousin could read and make sure that each one got the right presents.

Haha I`d always get aloooooot of presents since I, back then, was the youngest one. Yet I opened them all before anyone else had a chance to look at theirs!
My brother always used to do the ugly trick of waiting me out so that when I was finished he just started opening his presents, and I got to sit there and stare filled with jealousy!

After the gifts were all unwrapped the adults had coffee and the Christmascandy was served.
And each Christmasevening, we all fell asleep satisfied and warm at heart, thinking it was the best day ever!

Mom, If you are reading this, thanks for all those great times we had growing up, Lots of love to you!

Being strong for someone else..

Is it to not show at all that you you let things happening around you get to you?
That you can be that person to lean on?

I`m not so sure about that, I mean, when my brother died, my boyfriend who was involved the whole process never shut a dear, and didnt mention anything about it at all and I suppose it was meant to be so that I could show my emotions and cry and still know he would be standing strong.

Thats not how I took it tho.
I felt even more alone by the way he was handling stuff.
Felt like i was talking to a wall and that noone saw my tears.
In the end I didnt show him the tears running down my face, I only cried when I was alone at home or in the nighttime.. And boy did I cry!

I could cry so much my body was shaking and I couldnt breathe for months after but only when I was alone.
Luckily for me I had friends supporting me, they were really great, I pushed alot of them away I`m afraid but I couldnt see that then.
And now, well they have moved on and I have new friends thatr really brings warmth into my life.

Its hard tho, to handle someone in grief, and alot of people get scard7ed and dont know how to act around that person. I think its therefor they sometimes try to avoid that person. Its easier that way.. For them atleast.. Maybe not for the person that they are avoiding.
They know know already they aint easy to deal with, belive me, they know that repeating the same thing about the person that they are lost will make other people sick of them in the end, but still they have the urge to talk about it.

Or, not talk at all about it.
Pretend it never happened. And the people that pretend it didnt happen, carry on their life the same way it was before their loss. Going to parties and so on are often being accused instead by people around them for being cold and so on..

Skip the blame people, the loss is still something they struggle with on the inside, maybe its just easier to hide it for the moment?

Take a minute - Think about it!
Saturday, December 24, 2011

Celebrating Christmas?

Are you? Right now maybe?
Good, after you have finished your meal, look if you have a blanket to spare.
Go to wherever you know Homeless people hang out and give it to the first one you see!
Maybe you have a sweater to spare aswell? Great!

Maybe you have some sandwishes and/or food left after dinner?
Give that aswell, if we all do that today I´m sure we can spread some christmasspirit.
I havent been able to find the number to the shelter here in my town but, I know a homelss cat lives in the park straight across the street from me, guess whos getting our left overs?

Merry Christmas to all of you!

Christmas..

.. in Sweden its now the 24:th December and also the day we celebrate christmas here..
..therefor I will not be able to keep updating my blog today,
so I want to take this opportunity to thank all my readers and wish you all a Merry Christmas, wherever you might be!

How to find love..

..where do you go and how do you actually find it?
I used to be one of those who didnt belive in it at all, but I more and more start to belive in relationships that starts online.


Why?

Because you by talking get to know the other person on a totally different loving then you would by normal dating. Plus online you dont get judged by your appearance unless you provide a photo the first time you and the potential partner chats!

And onlinedating might also provide so many potential partners that you can already fromscratch rule some out, and since rejection is easier online, noone has to walk around and wait for that call for a second date that never comes.
Of course there is pleanty of other ways you just need to find them.

I truly belive that there is someone out there for all of us, it might just take som time to find that person, and in some cases I belive you might never find him or her but that you can still find someone to love and make it "your person".

And when you do, you better nourish the relationship.
If it turns out bad, never give up because someone else tells you to, give up when you are ready to let go. Otherwise you might spend a lifetime of "what if" and that woud blind you from seeing when a good catch comes along.

No relationship has ever been in vain according to me because they have brought you lessons to learn and experience...

To all of you out there - Dont stop, dont quit - Dont give up!


Friday, December 23, 2011

and somewhere inside..

.. I realised I was lost, in a nomansland of opinions, but starving for knowledge, thirsting for expressions , but stuck with the faceless people wondering where to go next..


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When someone suddenly changes..

Have you ever experienced in a relationship, how one part suddenly changes its personality.
From the most loving person in the world into someone that really doesnt care at all?
I can feel how ya`ll sitting there now saying; "Ah-aaaa girl you gonna talk about cheating now, I see where you going with this!" Sorry to dissapoint you but this time I aint.

I belive that this can appear for several reasons.
In a relationship the start is always a good one, two persons understanding eachother and always wanting the best for the other one. As time passes by the everyday-life strikes.
What first made us passionate about oneanother can suddenly be the most annoying thing in the world. The way he eats, as he never saw food before, and you found kind of cute suddenly makes you sick to the stomach. And the way she always spread her clothes around the apartment as there was no tomorrow, he used to not mind picking them up, smelling ther in them as he was putting them away. Suddenly he hates it, how can she even expect him to pick up after her lazy ass all the time?

There will be arguments, yelling and most of the times, if there is any passion left, alot of screaming. Because the fear of being taken for granted is colliding with the fear of being alone again. No hugs, no kisses for you.
And even tho you suddenly realised it was years ago since he asked you how your day was and just as long since you told him that you loved him like you meant it, you dont want it that way, but you dont want to be left alone either.

Now you have decisions to make. Can you change whats going on?
Can you somehow reverse it all or is it too late for that? Is there a CPR for relationships on their way down?

I think its hard to save a relationship on the downfall, I`m not saying impossible but I do belive one person cant do it alone. And that it takes time. But the again, aint relationships like a lifelong garden that always will need tobe looked after?

On the other hand, maybe its worth it, you invested your heart into something from the start, maybe, if for nothing else, for your hearts sake its important to cherish every day with the one you love?
And maybe show them how important they are, not only with words but with actions?

The day someone changed their ways against you I belive it might be too late to do anything about it?
Or what do you think?

Take a minute - Think about it!



It cant have been me he ever wanted!

Have you tried to change yourself for somone else? The one you loved perhaps?
I had, a boyfriend of mine who wanted me to change, and I did my best, as foolish as I were.

He would make comments like: Do you really need all that glittering makeup? You look like a slut.
His words that time were really hurtful and was uttered when we were about to go out the day after christmas, and no, it wasnt much glitter like some kind of dragqueen or all over my face, it was a little, just as eye shadow.

"Seriously, are you gonna wear a dress? We aint going to a wedding!"
The dress was an all black dress, you know the ones you would wear for a dinner?
And that was also where we were going, a dinner with his parents.

Each time he said words like that to me, they stung in my heart like a knife, and I was close to tears.
And each f***ing time Iwould  change whatever it was that didnt please him!

"Oh are you gonna cry again? You`re like the worst crybaby ever!"
When the fact was, the only reason I ever cried was him.
And those words he used.

For some weird reason they never stopped hurting. And I never stopped trying to change myself to be better for him. I  became really insecure, never trusted my own choices anymore, always wanting his opinion. I fixed my hair, asked him does it look nice? His reply would be something like:
"Do I have to tell you if youre looking good all the time?"
I hardly never asked.

Only time telling me he loved me was when he was drunk, as if it didnt matter otherwise, when I asked him about it he either said I was nagging or that he just aint the person to say such things.

I belive word scan be really dangerous when misstreated..
Take a minute - Think about it!


The right to judge someone..

Alot of times I hear people putting others down, often in a very,very foul way.
Who has the right to judge someone else?
If you are a beliver then God has the right, but noone else, right?
Yet we keep doing it, and not often do we think about what happends with the people we talk about.
Could it be somewhere that we make them behave bad? Or that we by keeping on talking about their bad sides someway makes themeasier to spot?

We all have our bad sides and we have the right to have them, but noone else has the right to judge.
And those who likes so bad to speak about others, could it be that their own lifes is so full of negativity that they aint strong enough to see the good within others?
Maybe we should help them?

Is it you that I`m talking about here?
Are you the one who cant leave others alone to be who they are?

You, of course, have a right to be you.
But how would it feel to be more positive?
Have a second to think about it?
Ok, lets carry on, it was a rather nice thought right?
Yet, somehow scary, because your life wouldnt be the same anymore.

Do me a favor, tomorrow, smile against someone you dont know, and also smile against one of these people you have judged and put down before.
Try asking one of them how life is going..
Establish a connection and then see where it goes?
Because maybe your negative thoughts has wandered off and enhanced the bad stuff you see in this person?

Maybe you dont have the power to change the world, but you have a change to change both yours, and someone elses lifes for abit..'

Take a minute - Think about it, and in this case; Give it a shot!




The beauty we all have..

I have something I do when I wait for a bus for example or is out, around people and dont have anything special to do.
I always try to see the beauty in everyone, and guess what, I always find something beautiful in everyone I see.
It can be something in their eyes, or in their way to move. It can be their smileor something about the way they did their hair. There is always, in every, single person, something beautiful to discover!
The sad part is that it isnt so common that everyone sees the beauty in themselves.
I saw a girl today for example, floating in her own world as she walked down the street, but I could tell that she avoided meeting someone elses looks. Its a classical sign of bad confidence, and this time it felt worse for me to see it then it normally does, why?

She was drop dead gorgeus!
Her jacket was somewhat dirty but other then that, Wow!
Her hair must have been newly dyed and her eyes was as deep as the ocean.
She wasnt tanned, but not pale either. Not skinny but definatly not overweight.
And she had an charisma that was amazing.
Yet she kept looking into the ground as she passed me and others walking down the street.


Here in Sweden we have something called Jante-lagen, Its basically something saying "You should never belive that you are better then anyone else".
And I suppose we all live by it, one way or another.
And its sad. Get me right here, I dont like when people are too cocky but I see a needof more people seeing the beauty within themselves and within others.
The day you do, you will see that life is so much better then you ever could have expected!

I`m not perfect in any way but guess what? I`m totally ok anyways!
I have days when I dont like myself at all, but they aint so many anymore, because somewhere deep inside me, I know I also have beautiful parts.

Take a minute - Think about it!



Have u noticed the ad here from Unicef?

To all fo you who want to give me a christmaspresent, do me one favor, stop thinking about it and do it!
But dont hand it to me, give me a christmaspresent by supporting Unicef and give nutcream to the starving kids around the world.

For those from Scandinavia that reads here, you can see the ad every here and there in my blog, use it!

To the rest of you who dont understand Swedish, go to Unicef`s website and donate, it dont have to be much at all, anything will help!
And except for me feeling good about you lending a hand to the starving kids, you might feel even better while sitting at the christmastable eating!

Take a minute - Think about it!

The kids that never really got to be children..

I meet young people alot, for example by training them in soccer, and one thing I`ve come across alot recently is kids around the age of 12 that is constantly babysitting their siblings.
They miss out on the spearetime with friends, or any sport they wannt to participate in.
There is seldom only one sibling to look after but atleast 2-3.

I know you are now sitting there thinking so what? Of course they should help their parents out?
And yes, you are right - They should.
But maybe not every single night? And is it a good thing they have to clean all of their house, cook for the family aswell?
And here is something else I`ve noticed, this happends while the parents are at home! Yeah you heard me the parents are at home but often takes no responsibility for the smaller kids, instead the older sibling has turned into a non-paid nanny.
The Kids doing this dont see it as a bad thing, they want to help their parents out at any cost, and they love their parents so its not there I see the problem.
The parents are tired from a long day at work, or whatever they have been doing, I understand that aswell.

My problem is; if we leave kids around that age to raise younger children, who is the adult one? Who will teach the younger ones right from wrong?
We can easily find studies that tells us that a 12 year old has not finished developing his/hers own personality or even the brain for that sake.
Yet we leave the ones we love the most alone in a situation that in the long run easily can end in disaster.

Some of you might say now "But hey, cut them some slack, they cant do it any other way they need to support their families".
Oh yes I agree they do need to make a living but how about the goverments? This is ok with them aswell at the same time they wonder why kids brings guns to school?
I remember being 12 years old, Karate Kid was sooo great.. Fighting movies was the bomb! Everyone wanted to be Bruce Lee.. we all loved him!

If you know think of a 12 year old today.. What does he/She like to watch? And since he or she is the one raising his/hers siblings.. What will they learn?
A 12 year old definatly knows some things, for example that the stronger, meaner one often gets what he or she wants in life at the moment. So how will they raise their siblings? They spend the most amount of awake-time with the younger ones and also are often their heroes..

Take a minute - Think about it!

The anger noone talks about..

After loosing a loved one you always feel sadness, but often one more thing that people dont talk about so often.
You feel anger towards the one that you`ve lost.

When I lost my brother that was one of the first feelings I encountered.
I were so angry at him I sometimes screamt straight out, here at home, that I hated him for leaving.

Even tho I knew that he had no choice and if he did, he wouldnt have died.

I also found myself hating God, even tho I, before this happened, really wasnt a big beliver.
But after Alex died I had to let out my anger over the situation to someone,
and for me it became over Alex and God.

I was very selfcentered in my grief, my thoughts sounded something like: "Why would you do this to me?" "Do you know I hate you for not being here and share this moment with me?".

Have you ever seen anyone in grief that has showed anger?
Maybe you have been the one that was angry?
Tell me about it?


Take a minute - Think about it!


Thursday, December 22, 2011

My first love..

Do you remember your first love?
I remember my first "real" love very clearly.
Even tho  I havent seen him for many,many years now I still remember his smile.
He has such a smile that you completely melt when he fires it at you. His eyes are so deep, and really reflects the kindness he shows to everyone he cares about.
I remember how his hands looks, bigger then mine if course, and you can tell by them that he is not afraid of hard labor.
Brownish hair that has the perfect volume, not too much not too little.
Nowdays its shortcut but before it used to be of mediumlength, and really like floating in the wind.

I must have been 16 the first time I met him, we met at Stockholm Waterfestival, it was summertime and we met thru mutual friends. There was only one problem, we didnt speak the same language.
 He hadnt been here in sweden long, he is from Bosnia-Hercegovina.
I knew very litle of their language, and he didnt speak english at all.
Yet we managed to communicate with eachother.
I`m still surprised about that. I could look at him and immediatly tell if something was wrong, and vice versa. He could really spot how I was feeling within a second by just looking at me.

Even tho the  feeling has passed us by and we havent spoken in many years I still think about him every now and then and about the memories we shared, and it always makes me smile.

You will most likely find out about some of them later here in the blog, but not yet.
He is today married, he has a daugther and I wish all of his family the best of luck. He is a great man and I think he deserves a perfect life.

Do you remember your first love? I`m not talking about your first crush I mean the first person you really loved so much that you would do anything for them to feel good?
Was it a good person? Someone who in the long run could have been the winner in the contest to share your life?

Take  a minute - Think about it!


Readers from all the world..

It makes me curious who you are out there that reads this blog.
I can see on a map here that I have had people here from both Russia and Ukraine for example, I`ve never knew anyone from there yet I`m very happy of course that you find something of interest here.

Next time you drop by please leave a comment, you can do that by pressing below the post where it says "0 comments".

I`m sorry for not giving you much updates today but I`ve spent most of the evening at my mothers place, making Christmascandy. here in Sweden its a tradition to make the candy for christmas on your own. All the family together, but tonight it was me, my mother and a familyfriend called Mohzen.
He experienced his first homemade Christmascandy ever! Him and me together made something called Knäck.

We overcooked it abit tho so it is almost like chewing a stone but hey, it tastes sweet anyway ;)
What have all of you been up to today?
I know when friend of mine was making Gingerbreadcookies, Anne, give me some!
I also need to shout ot to my other friend Blurry, whats the boys getting for Christmas? Give my sweethearts a hug from me!

Until I get back home and post one more post for today I leave you for now.

Take care all of you!

The importance of being YOU!

Wherever you turn in the world there will always be people who has an opinion about you.
It can be about your looks, too big, too small etc.
Or about your personality;
Too cocky, ignorant and all kindof weird stuff.

Always remember that the people who judge are not better persons themselves.

As an example for the theme I will use a girl from my hometown, Emily.
Emily runs a rather big blog, mostly about sex.
She is young and wild.
She has dreams and she lives every day to honor her late mother.
She is ambitious and studied well in school as I recall, she knows what she likes and what she wants out of life. And just like most other young people she has strong opinions to share with the world.
I`m also privilieged to have her on my Facebook and can see her posts ther, and unfortunatly also the comments she gets.


One of the most frequent ones is why she posts pictures on herself without clothes on on her blog.

Emily came into my life when she was younger, I dont remember the exact age but I do remember the circumstances.
She was really rude to someone I care about so I wrote her a mail on the community that then was the biggest in Sweden. I told her that I could tell she needed someone to listen and that if she liked to we could have a Coffee together.
She agreeed.
Since then I have followed her, her mother passed away and my heart was aching for her I  can tell you that!
But she has risen ever since then one step at the time and just going higher and higher toward the stars.

She posts pictures on her blog as I said before, and people are really rude about that.
I got news for the haters, she is 20 years old now and she can post whatever she wants on her blog, it aint meant for small kids to watch it either.. Its a adultblog.. ok?

And about her opinions.. I dont always agree about what she thinks but you see opinions is like sweaters, everyone got one! So  no need to complaint about her, let her rise like the bird she is!
Let her fly and dont worry about it, she has never ever told her readers that she will change her opinion just because anyone else would like her better.
And I hope she never does, because thats one lousy thing to do!

To Emily; Keep going Girl, do your thing!

To the rest of you, Here is a link to her blog; Sexoholic.devote.se Its in Swedish so some of you will have to use Google Translate.

Leave others opinions alone, you can debate, its all cool. IF, and only then, the person with the opinion is open for a debate. I will leave you with a video and a song that has followed me thru the years:


Thursday morning..

This week seems to rush by to get to Christmas as soon as possible, here in Sweden we celebrate on the 24: th and I still havent done anything yet.

No Christmascandy, havent boughtany presents, totally nothing at all.
But plans for today includes making christmascandy at my mothers place.

How does it look in your part of the world?
What does your christmasplans contain?
Celebrating with family or maybe staying at home by yourself?

My mind is still with those who have noone that cares about them.
The people living  in the streets and those parents that instead of celebrating with their family needs to work and leave their kids on their own.
Damn, it bugs me that life is so hard for some.

I am thankful every day I have food on the table and roof over my head.
I would lie if I said that I dont wish for more.
More clothes,
more money,
more this and that.
But at the end of day Im grateful for all the things that I have.
Sweden is a great country to live in, we know that even if we dont have a job we will have somewhere to live and food to eat.

What are You espescially grateful for today`
Press below where it says "comments" and share with us!

Take a minute - Think about it!


Leaving you all with an old,old artist;


Wednesday, December 21, 2011

When can you laugh again?

After a familymember has passed away the family is often left with alot of questions like why and so on.
Its an traumatic experience that truly is hard to live thru, I should know, I have been there.

There is alot of questions frequently asked to the people that is still alive aswell.
Like Why did this happen, how to arrange the funeral and such things.
But then there is also questions that the ones left asks themselves and those are not always easy to answer.

Like, when is it ok to laugh again?

Somewhere in all the tragedy its easy to feel guilty about being the one still living.
The ones left often feels like they would do anything to bring the dead one back to life again, even trade places with the person.

After my brother passed away it took a long while before I went out dancing again, and when I did it felt really wrong. I remember that I wonder what people that were out and knewwhat had happened thought about me.
My brother is dead and there i walk around partying.
And Im rather sure some people actually DID think like that.
It took a couple of times of beeing out before I realised that it was up to me when to stop mourning in public.
It was up to me if I would just let the sadness win over me and take over my life.
And the only one with a right to judgeme was.. -me.

I could easily have given up on life. Kept staying inside crying all day and most of the nights,.
But it wasnt fair, not to my son, not to me and not to the rest of my family but most important..

..it wasnt fair to my beloved brother.
He wouldnt have wanted me to stay inside and watching the world carry on without me.
The moment I realised all this I also started seeing the sorrow as an enemy,
I had never let anyone win over me before so why would I start now.

How long do you think it should take for life to become "normal" again after someone has passed away?
Do we owe the ones thats in heaven to appreciate life maybe even more?

Take a minute - Think about!




Follow up..

.. on the previous post.

I never got to know if she knew about me, and in the long run it didnt even matter.

My mates asked me and my friend to join them to an afterparty, and after some hesitations I agreed.
It was a small apartment with a kitchen and a livingroom only.
Here how ever the story will be abit messy so I will from now on call the different persons by the first letter in their names instead.

My mates names: K,A,R and the girl I was with J, "my guy" M, and then we have, as a gueststar "S".
"K" and I went out smoking on the balcony and to cheer me up I suppose, he said: Sara, If I hadnt been with your friend before I would so totally be all over you now..

As if.. I thought to myself but smiled as a reply.
When we went in there was two people in the bed in the livingroom. M, closest to the window and then S who had stretched out in the middle of it.
Come sit here he said to me, I was still full of anger and thought I can do anything I want since M doesnt want me anyway, hell, he didnt even say hello to me yet.
So I sat down and it didnt take long before S made me rest my head on his arm.

R tried to talk to me but before I could reply S told him "Leave her alone, you know I leave for france soon and until then me and Sara is gonna be in love! I found it hard not to giggle, at the same time I remember M turned toward the window. He actually looked heartbroken, and I didnt feel sorry for him at all, it didnt matter if it was about what was happening or whatever happened to that girl he was with. She wasnt in the apartment anyway.

I could tell by the others looks that they didnt know what to think. Tho we kept it straight me and S, no kissing at all or such, just laying there chatting about life.

After a while it was time to get back to our town, and S followed us there, we went to M`s parents apartment and there S repeated the same, Sara come here, talk to me, rest on my arm! And I did.. When I had to leave and the morning had come K walked me home.

Before we split up he stopped and said, Sara, you know M likes you right? I answered: "Oh really? Its hard to tell while he is kissing someone else you know!"
He said that they had been speaking about me while they were out smoking and that he could tell by M`s reactions to me and S that he was really disturbed by it..

So how it all ended? Lets just say me and M worked it out and that we kept seeing eachother.
I got many stories about the two of us to share with you guys.

Relationships..

.. lets continue on the earlier subject..

Or more the relationships that are over before they even started,
Friends with benefits and so on.
Does it really work?
Because Ive experienced that someone is bound to get hurt by it in one way or another.
Someone always invest their feelings sooner or later.
And if there aint feelings for both part, what to do?

I fell in love once, I must have been around 22.
It was this guy hanging out with old friends of mine but I had never seen him before even tho we lived in the same neighborhood. I knew as soon as I saw him he was something special I just didnt get what was special about him.
Sure he looked good, lovely brown eyes, nicely built and so on..
It was in aclub and I remember me and my friend dancing with my old friends and this guy aswell of course,
however my friends left but this guy stayed.
It started to become lousy music but me and my friend didnt want to abandon this guy there.
So to be kind I asked if he wanted to go with his mates or come with us.
He choosed the last option, loud music in the club made it so we couldnt really speak tho, but we exchanged numbers.

I didnt expect him to call, I mean it aint as if I were a catch in any way.
However he actually did, and we started seeing eachother.
Not like dates more with friends or he coming over to my house.
Only our closest friends knew what was going on between us.
This kept on for several months but I knew he was seeing others aswell,
and belive me it hurt. Even tho he had told me he wasnt the relationshiptype and so on.
He was honest, he didnt see a future for us.

One day while looking out my window, I hadnt heard for him in 10 days or so, I saw him walking thru the neghborhood hand in hand with a pretty girl. BOOM! The world stopped moving and my heart was in pieces, I was both angry and really sad, most of all I was likely very, very hurt.
I went over to a friends place and we had a drink, I told her what happened and we agreed on going to a close town the next night and go out.
I didnt want to go out in our hometown since I didnt want to run into those two.

The next day came, it was a friday, we headed for the other town, a friend of hers gave us a lift there.
I was looking so good, and feeling like flirting just to overcome all the stress of him and the girl.
We go to our regular place their, As soon as we come in we ordered a drink in the first bar then went to the other dancefloor, further in.

What was the first thing I saw? My mates sitting with this guy at a table and with them that girl, that stupid, stupid girl with the guy holding my heart!
I gasped for air and then ran off into the ladiesroom, my friend came after me she asked whats up, and I told her. She couldnt belive it either, she said come on lets go over there and say hi and see how he reacts. I refused, I would not show myself to him, he might be able to see how hurt I was (There we go,that pride again).

She went over and said hi wich also meant my old mates knew that I was there, one of them quickly picked up on the situation. He wanted to make me feel better so he turned up dancing a bit with me and then he said; Dont be sad, you look good you can get any man you like in here, as a matter of fact, I will get you any man you point out! Choose one!

I`m not that kind of girl but none of my excuses was good enough for him so he kept going "Anyone, anyone Sara, Point out anyone you think is looking good in here".

Finally he caught my eyes resting on a cute guy in there, so without me having anything to say, he went and talked to the guy. He brought him to me and said: "Now you two are going out there (pointing towards the exit where there was sofas) and have a talk, get to know eachother" , it wasnt a plea it was an order so we went. I explained the whole situation to the guy and he understood so we just kept talking.

When we left the place that evening we were going different directions and had kept it on a friendly level.

As I turned around outside I saw "my boy" kissing that other girl, same way he used to kiss me.
My heart was broken into pieces  but I felt nothing else then anger at the time.
Did she ever know about me?

There will be a follow up on this one since the story continues, but I will leave you with this for now.

Have u had a friend with benefits? How did it end?
Does it really work?

Take a minute - Think about it!




Is there ever a good break up?

One that really makes it so both parts be cool with the other one moving on?
I`m not so sure about it, Im convinced both parts can pretend to move on, thats not where my doubt lays.
The part I`m doubting is that bort parts feels it would be totally ok if the other one found a new person to love and be loved by the very next day for example.

Lets not pretend that we are something we aint.
DMX and others says that if you love something let it go,
and its not the let it go-part that is bothering me.
I can tell anyone to go any given day!
But.. Its after the letting go that bugs me and most likely others.
Because even tho we know we have no right to, and even tho we dont own anyone,
we still dont want them to be happy with someone else, atleast not before we are!

And even tho you know you werent meant for eachother you still for some weird reason keep having that person in your heart for a long, long time.

Thats one of the reasons I really dont like "Lets be friends anyway".
For me, it more sounds like:
"Out of guilt I can pretend to be your friends for a while and maybe you wont whine so much about me to people"

or..

"If we are friends atleast I get to see her/him and talk to them every now and then".

It will still hurt like hell the day your ex finds a new guy or girl and introduces them to you.
Would you truly be happy for your ex if he/she got married to this new person?
Or would it remind you that you failed where someone else made it?

Can you really call yourself a friend to someone who you cant be happy for?
At the baptism in church of their newborn you sit thinking "It should have been me",
is that what friends do?

Take a minute - Think about it..


Found this song on Soundcloud, I love it Click here!

To all of you..

.. I seem to have readers all across the globe, except for africa and middleeast.
I can see in wich country you see, and pageviews from Phillipines, Ukrain, Russia and U.S.A and also U.K makes me a bit extra proud, that I have several, repeated hits from some of the places makes me extra happy becuase it means that someone likes to read what I`m talking about.

It means that someone actually cares, and it`s people I dont know.

So I thought I`d give you some hints about whats gonna be next in blog, atleast some of it, are you ready??

The continued story from the post "The Call".
The Neo-nazis in Russia ( This one is a tough subject, and one side will almost certain hate me afterwards)
How long to struggle for love? When to give up?
Christmascandy
Sharing alot in common - or sharing nothing?
And ofcourse more presentation of my friends online!

You know you want to see this, right?

Take a minute - Think about it!

A young brother lost..

Today its one of my younger brothers birthday,
If he still were with us we wouldhave celebrated,
instead,I´m sitting here, looking up at the sky and wondering;

Will I see you after this life?

One of those days..

..when you want to crawl back into bed, I`m having one like that today!
I know I shouldn`t sleep more since then I will have problems sleeping tonight.

When I look outside its pitchdark and the only light I see is from the snow on the ground and the christmaslights in the windows across from me.

I can see a man sitting at his kitchentable, having breakfast and reading the paper. He seems so calm and relaxed, I almost envy him.

I seem so calm on the outside, but, because of the chrismasstress it feels like a storm inside.
I havent even started yet, and if I know myself correct I wont start until tomorrow.
The queen of postponing stuff - Thats me, now you can say you`ve met her!

However I almost always get stuff ready in time. And that surprises me every single time.
Are you done with all the shopping and cooking for christmas?
Did you find any nice gifts?

Abortions..

.. I used to be against abortions.
Totally against them,
I thought give birth and then adoption would be a better solution.

Now I`m not so sure anymore.
I belive that some people never should have kids, the people who just can`t let a child be put first.
I belive that each child out there should be entitiled to have both parents in their life.
Get me right tho, it`s not that a parent can look into the future and see that the other parent will stay.
Things happens, and time changes stuff, I`m aware of that.


But I dislike seeing children being born without both parents caring for it.
I dont see a strong woman giving birth to a child on her own,
I see a sad child coming to earth.

All kids needs both their parents and hopefully alot of other, reasonable good adults around them while they grow up.
If one is missing then a part of the child is missing, a part from the childs background is missing.
And without enough information about one parent I truly belive that the child will be as a puzzle missing a bit.

Could you imagine growing up wondering why your father abandoned you?
Watching your mother cry in the evenings becuase she has to make sure you are fed and that you have clothes. And while she is at work you have to take care of yourself?
Just a thought here in the morning people..

And hey use birthcontrol - make sure you dont make someone elses life miserable!

Take  a minute - Think about it!



Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Christmasspirit..

I like them but I thought that I would save ya`ll from them here in my blog, since not all love Christmas. However I will post the only one you will see here lfurther down in this post!

About christmas/please help me out!

For some its just a sad reminder of someone no longer with them a familymember that passed away a long time ago and once again wont need a christmasgift.
Other struggle to afford any christmaspresents at all, mothers who never can give their children what they have been wishing for several years in a row.
There are soldiers all  across the world, far from their families wishing to be at home and being missed at home.

And then we have those who is missing someone they dont know where they are for the sake of christmas I will ask you to spread a missingpersons post:  


I hope you all spread it and I also ask you to think about the homeless people around you or the less fortunate, donate something, anything at all, if you wont do it for you or for them then do it for me, it would mean alot to me!

You can make a difference in someones life!

Take a minute - Think about it!


They say its the inside that counts?

But lets be honest about it, a nice outside is what makes people stop and talk to you even if its the inside that keeps them around?

I belive thats the case anyway, and in some cases it seems the inside doesnt matter, people who look extremely good can be how stupid or boring they want to and still people keep them around.

Like some kind of trophy even tho they never get to touch!

Thats however something I find fascinating about games like W.o.W there you are welcome no matter how you look just based on how well you play the game.
When I used to play it it was one of the things I appreciated the most.
I could never judge anyone based on looks, I had to get to know them and spend time talking to them to find out who they were.

And I  never regreted letting a single one of all those people into my life.
I wont say all have been good to me but each one of them taught me something new, about how to look at stuff or how they experience life.

Some of them will have a piece of my heart forever I belive, I still keep in touch with the closest ones from there but on Facebook.

How do you think you would experience a day without beeing able to see the people you meet? Spending it socially blindfolded, can you honestly say you dont judge the book by its cover?

Take a minute - Think about it!

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Hejsan! En glad tjej med många, många åsikter. Skriver om allt mellan himmel och jord som kan tänkas dyka upp under dagen!
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