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Friday, December 23, 2011

It cant have been me he ever wanted!

Have you tried to change yourself for somone else? The one you loved perhaps?
I had, a boyfriend of mine who wanted me to change, and I did my best, as foolish as I were.

He would make comments like: Do you really need all that glittering makeup? You look like a slut.
His words that time were really hurtful and was uttered when we were about to go out the day after christmas, and no, it wasnt much glitter like some kind of dragqueen or all over my face, it was a little, just as eye shadow.

"Seriously, are you gonna wear a dress? We aint going to a wedding!"
The dress was an all black dress, you know the ones you would wear for a dinner?
And that was also where we were going, a dinner with his parents.

Each time he said words like that to me, they stung in my heart like a knife, and I was close to tears.
And each f***ing time Iwould  change whatever it was that didnt please him!

"Oh are you gonna cry again? You`re like the worst crybaby ever!"
When the fact was, the only reason I ever cried was him.
And those words he used.

For some weird reason they never stopped hurting. And I never stopped trying to change myself to be better for him. I  became really insecure, never trusted my own choices anymore, always wanting his opinion. I fixed my hair, asked him does it look nice? His reply would be something like:
"Do I have to tell you if youre looking good all the time?"
I hardly never asked.

Only time telling me he loved me was when he was drunk, as if it didnt matter otherwise, when I asked him about it he either said I was nagging or that he just aint the person to say such things.

I belive word scan be really dangerous when misstreated..
Take a minute - Think about it!


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