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Monday, December 19, 2011

The Call..

It was around 09:30 in the morning.
It was lovely sunshine outside and the day had just begun.
My son was sitting in the livingroom watching tv and drawing, he used to love drawing, spent every hour making a new monster apear on the paper.
My boyfriend was in the shower, getting ready for work.

Suddenly the phone rang, and even tho I didnt know it then, it was a call that would change my world forever.

"Sara, what are you doing?"
It was my sister and I had a weird feeling inside that something was wrong.

"Oh nothing why do you ask?"
"Are you alone?"

I didnt like that question, why on earth would she want to know that? The thoughts started spinning in my head, there must be something wrong with one of my nieces, what could have happened?

"No, my son is here and my boyfriend why?"
I kept on..
"Whats happened? Whats wrong?"

After a brief moment of silence she said:

"Sara it`s Alex, he`s dead."

The world froze and I couldn`t breathe, Alex, my younger brother, dead?
No not possible at all, he was at my place just two days ago and the same nightwe spoke over the phone about the European Championship, Sweden Vs England, Ljungberg scored and I called Alex with tears of joy in my eyes. Alex, dead? No,no, no this wasnt happening.

I remember screaming something and throwing the phone in the wall, I still remember the phones battery falling and where I picked it up. Silence. I tried to think but did not know what to think about, did all this just happened? I had to put the phone back together. And as soon as I did, it started ringing again, no caller I.D - again. I felt sick, I felt like I was going to throw up any minute. It took all my strength to answer it again.

"Hello"
"Sara, we are at the hospital you need to get here"

My sisters voice again, why did she have to do this to me?
Once again I threw the phone, once again the battery fell out and once again I screamt, just straight out, and I still remember the pain and confusion. I kept screaming straight out;

"no No NO"

over and over and over again.
Suddenly my boyfriend opened the door to the bedroom.

"Sara whats up?"

 He asks me whats up? Can``t he tell? My world just crashed and he asks me what up?
I found out later it was my son who had gone to the bathroom because he had seen me and gotten really scared, poor sweetheart, he had no idea what to do.

"Alex is dead, do you hear me, he is dead!!!"
I screamed at him. And as anyone else in that situation he had no clue what to do.

"But how? Why"
"I dont know Milo, I dont know!"

I remember crying and rocking back and forth my brain definatly working overtime and the minutes just kept ticking by even tho Alex was gone.

I called a friend of mine crying and asking what she was doing, could she get over really quick and babysit my son because I had to get to the hospital. They said Alex is dead?

My boyfriend still getting ready for work, saying noone else could work for him?
Confusion.
Clock keeps ticking inside my head Tick...Tock..

I called a cab, thank god I had money at home for it.
On the way to the hospital the cabdriver asked me if I was in pain, I most likely looked like it.

"In pain? No but they called me and said my younger brother died"

I was in schock and must have seemed well cold when replying. Tho he was great that cabdriver, he kept talking and at the hospital I remember he walked me to the frontdoors of the traumaunit.

I remember waiting for my turn to talk to the person behind the counter there. Tears streaming down my face, because there all over sudden I started to get a vague idea that it was true, he was really gone.

... This is a true story, straight out of my life and it will be continued, the subject that is a ongoing story in my life. The grief of my younger brother Alex, died the same year he was supposed to become 21 years old.

You who still have your family intact out there, appreciate them to the fullest, one day it might be too late.
You belive it wont happen to you? So did I, and yet here I am!

Take a minute - Think about it.

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