While waiting in line for my turn i felt so confused, I still remember that.
When it was my turn to talk to the person behind the counter I said;
"I`m a sister of Alex, and my other sister called me she said I must come here."
The woman behing the counter looked at me and I could tell how sorry she felt for me.
She called for a younger nurse to accompany me and let me in behind the glassdoors.
The  young woman  seemed insecure on how to approach me and asked;
"Has anyone told you what has happened?"
I nodded and we started walking down the corridor.
"Your family is here I will show you wich room they are in and if I can help you with anything.."
She didnt finish the sentence, instead we stopped at a door and she said;
"They`re in here"

I opened the door and saw allt the other members of my family there, I could tell they all had been crying.
My oldest brother T, was sitting on the right.
We hadnt spoke much to eachother since I was young because of how bad our siblingsrivalry had been.
I took one step in the room, unsure of what to do or what to think.
"T" stood up and hugged me and we both cried, I still remember that hug, it made me feelsafe in all the chaos that was going on inside me.

After that hug my memory is a little vague of what happened until I was in the room where my Alex was.
They had prepared him so that we could say good bye.
It was a small room and by the end of the bed there was chairs.
I sat down there, I remember my mother and father touching Alex face and hand.
He was pale of course, and he had two small scratchmarks in his face,
I remember them well.

After my parents had said their good byes (I dont remember the actions of the others in the family here).
I wanted to be alone with Alex, and of course it was ok.
I looked at him and I cried really hard, I cursed at him and at God.
I was so angry at them, why would we deserve this?
What had we done that was so terrible that Alex would be taken away from us?
And how could Alex just leave us like this?! As if he ever would if he had a choice..

I will leave you with this for now..

To all of you out there, remember to hug your familymembers often, appreciate them all because you can never tell what will happen tomorrow or the next day!